Hey Austin, I Fucked Your Girl Candice

Lemme tell you how I did her
Repeatedly in your bed
Let me draw you a diagram
Try to get this out yo’ head

Fact 1: Candice prefers my dick

She tells me all the time. She prefers how it feels between her legs. She prefers how it tastes. She prefers how it feels when she grabs on and jacks me off while we’re driving around the neighborhood treating my cock like It’s a tub of toothpaste

Fact 2: This was going on while you were together

Every time you went looking for “a
Job to augment your writing” we were basically fucking. We fucked in your study, all over your papers. You came home early once, and I managed to finish her off before you came upstairs. I hid in your closet while she took you in the other room to shower with her.

Fact 3: Candice prefers my poetry

This should come as no surprise. Your writing is weak. You are weak. There is nothing interesting there. Just the scribbling of a little boy, hoping his woman will come back. But back to what? Your “roses are red” trifling ass stanzas? You think you write verse? Naw, dawg- your dick in her purse. “For Candice”- fuck outta here with that weak ass shit.

Fact 4: Candice Is Just One Of My Side Bitches

Sorry to tell yah, bruh- but I got so many hoes, I sometimes call her by the wrong name when I’m pulling her hair and grabbing those titties. Only reason I started remembering is it helped me stay hard thinking of your ass crying about it and I needed you to whimper out her name to complete the fantasy. “Nnoooooo... Ca Ca Candice”- that shit is hot AND funny

Fact 5: Candice Knows This And Would Still Rather Wait Around To Get Fucked By Me

She left a serious relationship with you to be one of my side bitches? Why? See Fact 1, sport.

Fact 6: We come to this website, read your poems and laugh at you

I mean... it’s funny.

Fact 7: If you ever did kill yourself, I swear to God I’d fuck her on your casket

Nothing personal, it’s just something that’s been on my to do list since I was a little boy and when the opportunity comes around, by god- you seize it

Respectfully,
   Jermaine (& Candice)

P.S. She aborted my child. Not because she didn’t want the fucker... but because I didn’t want the responsibility. We named him Austin