You Can Stroke Your Ego with This One, Too

 
Cutting you out of me
would leave too large a hole
with no way to stem the bleeding
 
Doesn't mean I don't eye the knives
with desire you once called your own
 
Though, if it could heal
sealed up with scar tissue and tears
the cavernous hollow would echo
memories of you saying what I wanted to hear
 
That option erased
maybe I'll attempt my own concoction
of chemotherapy
direct injection of all your bullshit
straight into my veins  
see if it shrinks the sickening pain
until I can breathe
and lose the urge to vomit
 
But that takes time
 
Tonight, I'll reach for anaesthesia
tired of feeling everything
what I want is something to numb
lie back, forget I'm a wreck and
count down from ten to
fuck you