I died Yesterday~

I died yesterday. The pain was worse than I thought it would be. They say it will be different but it’s not.  I’m here to tell you so.  The burn pierced through my flesh as the bullet searched for a place to exit.  So here I am now, standing on the edge of a cliff with hues of brown and grey.  I was expecting more of all of this.  No bells, no whistles, no angels or unicorns to soothe the torture I thought I’d left behind.

My escape plan failed.  Now what?  Ginger clouds on the horizon and not another soul to be found.  With a deep breath and sigh,  a resignation lands on the half smirk on my face.  I’m well aware that we humans can screw up life but what the hell with death.  A mere mortal soul left here to linger for all eternity playing memories over and over in my mind.

I died yesterday.  It’s over rated.  I see now the faces of the ones I left behind.  I do feel bad for the ones that loved me more than I loved myself or life but some….wow.  I can’t believe they had the nerve to even show up.  I hope it makes them feel better.  Mind fucking me while pulling my life force out like a taffy stick.  Pulling until they got it all than had the nerve to swallow.  It’s ok.   There are plenty of people like me, bleeding hearts holding space for beauty in a Beetlejuice world.   I hope the party celebrating my life with them cheers them up, poor people.  The sorrow will be soon lost over a week or so when they realize they never were invested.  Keep the flower you killed.  I don’t have a vase.

I died yesterday.  I’m sort of getting use to this.  No one is fucking children, fucking animals, mutilating women’s genitals.  No one is popping out kids just to get a government check and good God…yes God there is no politics.  The best part is the silence.  No cars, no honking,  no fucking rap music.  No parents screaming at their kids and Christ.  A group of broken people sheeping it through that thing called life.

I died yesterday because I couldn’t hold the light for the world.  I couldn’t even hold it or hope for me.  It’s too ugly, too deep and too dirty.  I’ll just stay here in the middle and hope that they see me here.  I’m not so bad, not to soul dirty.  Maybe just maybe I’ll be seen.

I die everyday.