deepundergroundpoetry.com
Grave days
Mirthless day
A lack of joy
Smile's astray
Solemn night
I dream of sleep
Wrong this right
Somber age
To burn this dark
Reserved rage
A lack of joy
Smile's astray
Solemn night
I dream of sleep
Wrong this right
Somber age
To burn this dark
Reserved rage
Published 22nd Jan 2012
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likes 2
reading list entries 0
comments 6
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
22nd Jan 2012 10:26am
not as in worthless, but as in joyless. obviously, you're expressing some deep brooding feelings but i find that there's no, i'm not sure of the word, perhaps satisfaction, or relief in the word selection or phrasing. perhaps that's because it doesn't feel quite finished yet, that's more that maybe you've already scooped. i'm not make me laugh, but make me think interesting more. thanks for the poem.
t
t
22nd Jan 2012 11:53am
I was going to add more to it, but it didn't feel or look natural then.
Thanks for reading and your comment.
Thanks for reading and your comment.
22nd Jan 2012 10:37am
the rage simmers beneath the affable smile; thus sleep, to rest. Enjoyed it, MrAlptraum.
22nd Jan 2012 11:56am
24th Jan 2012 6:33pm
24th Jan 2012 7:11pm
