Our Addictions

You used to make me feel whole, now im just a lost soul, I lost all control, it was my heart that you stole, now I’m looking for the restart. Laying next to you in bed and still feel worlds apart.
 
The pain I’m feeling is off the chart, and the cocaine made you insane and I keep asking why I remain as I watch you miss your vein. Man, I really let my life go down the drain.  
 
This wasn’t part of my plan, you pace the room checking the can, talking about “if it’s not there we gotta meet up with the middle man, ya know the one who drives the mini-van” fuck, when did you become my boogeyman? Shit really hit the fan.  
 
This love is counterfeit. Come to think of it, I’m starting to think you’re full of shit, I should really take a run for the exit. But let’s admit I can’t quit and you won’t ever commit. I might not be clever  but I know you won’t stay forever, and even though I’m not alright, I’m happy I have you for tonight.  
 
Maybe tomorrow I’ll see the light and get rid of this parasite I hold so tight, sad part is you wouldn’t even put up a fight, but until I take flight and do what’s right Ill kiss you goodnight and turn off the lamp light as I spend one more night, whisper “sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite”  
 
but I can’t sleep so I sit upright and ask myself, was it love at first sight? who picked the first fight? Was he always high as a kite? Why do you always make me cry? All I do is comply and retry as you deny. I can never satisfy.  
 
I hate myself because I stand by, turn a blind eye, help you keep your powder dry so you can get high until it’s time to resupply, don’t worry I’ll buy. You grab my thigh after you bang because the dope gives you gives you hope that you can finally cope...Nope, baby that’s a slippery slope.  
 
You’re an addict and so am I. Need amphetamine to get dopamine, we both prefer our lines cut superfine, guess we’re not so different, maybe that why we intertwine.  
 
But I gotta confess i’m depressed, sometimes I can’t even get dressed, too stressed, I let these feelings go unaddressed, so I write to get it off my chest, hoping it will put my demons to rest. I’m getting to upset, feeling nothing but regret I need a cigarette, we’re playing Russian roulette, waking up in a cold sweat, you’re a triple threat, ain’t no safe bet, heart breaking is your skill set.  
 
In the beginning I was mistaken, now I see you were faking, I was there for the taking. Fuck, now Your waking up and withdrawals got you shaking, throwing up. Showing the real you, I’ll continue to try to heal you, all while helping to conceal you from everyone who knows the unreal you.  
 
This isn’t me, I fell asleep at the wheel, this shit is surreal. I won’t tell a soul I know this isn’t ideal, but I can’t reveal the monster you seal, heads will roll. I gotta climb outta this black hole before I lose control and reach for the pistol, I know it’s fucking sinful.  
 
Please don’t preach, I don’t need a speech, happiness now feels out of reach. I just want some fucking peace. I’m tired of feeling numb, I’m nothing but scum, I turned Into a bum, don’t even have an income. What the fuck has my life become? I threw it all away for man who doesn’t love me, how can I be so dumb?  
 
Lord knows He comes and goes and each time the pain I feel grows. It fucking blows, but this is what I chose. I’ll always run back, he’s more addicting than crack and I’ll be waiting for the next attack. Who knows if I’ll ever get off the wrong track.