me vs me

here we go again are you ready
let's see what hell I feel today in my brain
are you done already
I'm probably going insane

here goes the pain
now the panic sensation of how I think I can't breathe
come on beat me with a cane
what lies underneath

I hate being like this
here comes the depression
I start to reminisce
this is my confession

here comes the psychosis
it all seems normal seeing things that are not there
all apart of my diagnosis
get out of my hair

I mostly see symbols but it gets annoying
when I'm in stores I see roadblocks on peoples faces
but I am trying
I'm covering all the bases

when there are too many people in front of me I start to panic and see blurry
sometimes at different moments I space out hoping they won't notice
I'm always in a hurry
I try so hard to focus

I don't want therapy or medicine
I know this a long fight
I want friends that are genuine
my release is to write

sometimes I feel so empty
sometimes I care too much
when I'm nervous my palms get sweaty
I'm out of touch

if I see you out in public I will pass you by
I don't like to talk even in youth I wouldn't talk
not even wanting to say hi
so many thoughts I try to block

sometimes my panic attacks are so bad
that I have to take everything off it gets to me
I think sometimes I'm going mad
so just let me be

I'm not saying all this to fix me
just to understand
stand beside me is the key
having this was never planned