deepundergroundpoetry.com
A lost love
I loved a girl when I was young
She stole my heart away
Just like a pirate in days of old
A buccaneer of my soul
A robber of my emotions
But now that I am more mature
I can see she was no more
Than a silly little cow
Not worth a beggar's fart.
She stole my heart away
Just like a pirate in days of old
A buccaneer of my soul
A robber of my emotions
But now that I am more mature
I can see she was no more
Than a silly little cow
Not worth a beggar's fart.
Published 17th Jun 2020
| Edited 20th Jun 2020
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
19th Jun 2020 8:48pm
Looking back is the greatest tool of enlightenment, as long as we don't become trapped in unrealistic memories which would allow us to see no differently, even decades after.
It's a good poem, and because you have requested Honest Critique, I feel it could use a bit of space to emphasize certain parts, despite it being short. For example:
I loved a girl when I was young
She stole my heart away
Just like a pirate in days of old:
A buccanneer* of my soul ( buccaneer* )
A robber of my emotions
But now that I am more mature
I can see she was no more
Than a silly little cow
Not worth a begger's* fart. ( beggar's* )
Welcome to DU. I saw you posting in the forums and thought I would check out your work. You have a unique vein of honesty that runs through you, and a fearless disposition to express it.
It's a good poem, and because you have requested Honest Critique, I feel it could use a bit of space to emphasize certain parts, despite it being short. For example:
I loved a girl when I was young
She stole my heart away
Just like a pirate in days of old:
A buccanneer* of my soul ( buccaneer* )
A robber of my emotions
But now that I am more mature
I can see she was no more
Than a silly little cow
Not worth a begger's* fart. ( beggar's* )
Welcome to DU. I saw you posting in the forums and thought I would check out your work. You have a unique vein of honesty that runs through you, and a fearless disposition to express it.
Thank you for pointing out my typos on "beggar" and buccaneer - I shall see how to correct that. I must have been pissed at the time.
5th Feb 2021 2:20am
At least you didn't say 'bugger' although in hindsight you might have meant that too. 😂
5th Feb 2021 2:28am
