deepundergroundpoetry.com
Electricity
I see flashes in my eyes
You are my sparks
I do not want to go back
Your body is made for me
Fits me like a glove
Please don’t give our formula
To anyone
I do not want to go home
Cover me with a new wave
Just now with you
I began to identify myself
I challenge you to battle
Let's use every floor and surface
And in every song about you and me
There is a note about fierce passion
We are electricity,
you feel the current between us
We know each other intimately
and you figured me out
You hacked my code so easily
We are electricity
We are love
You are my sparks
I do not want to go back
Your body is made for me
Fits me like a glove
Please don’t give our formula
To anyone
I do not want to go home
Cover me with a new wave
Just now with you
I began to identify myself
I challenge you to battle
Let's use every floor and surface
And in every song about you and me
There is a note about fierce passion
We are electricity,
you feel the current between us
We know each other intimately
and you figured me out
You hacked my code so easily
We are electricity
We are love
Published 26th May 2020
Author's Note
I am trying to challenge myself to keep writing here and it does seem a little therapeutic. Thanks for continuing to bear with me and I hope to get better at this. :)
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 7
reading list entries 1
comments 16
reads 809
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The author is looking for friendly feedback.
26th May 2020 00:56am
26th May 2020 00:58am
26th May 2020 2:31am
Dear K,
I admire your self challenge. You get to find out all different things about yourself.
Your poem is terrific. “Please don’t give our formula
To anyone ” Very clever phrase. A request to keep things only between the two of you is key to trust and privacy. So important.
Wonderful write. H🌷
I admire your self challenge. You get to find out all different things about yourself.
Your poem is terrific. “Please don’t give our formula
To anyone ” Very clever phrase. A request to keep things only between the two of you is key to trust and privacy. So important.
Wonderful write. H🌷
26th May 2020 10:05pm
Thanks Honoria, I still feel a little out of place so your comments have helped keep me motivated and trying harder. As I write more I am starting to feel like I might have something to offer. :) (it's probably just in my mind but still it is a great distraction for me or maybe I am a little addicted to getting positive feedback right now as I need it, sorry I am thinking out loud again)
26th May 2020 8:19pm
You're doing great, keep it up. Everyone has their unique perspective, but a few tools I use, and you may or may not find this useful, is to fill out the dimensions of the write, make it spring to life before the mind's eye, with scene descriptors, body language, haptics, it makes the write more tangible. Thank you for being here with us.
26th May 2020 10:08pm
Thanks Daniel. I appreciate that a lot! I really love that you have given me some suggestions also. I will definitely take those to heart. I am a little unsure about the body language one though but I will figure it out. ;)
26th May 2020 10:49pm
They say only 20 percent of conversation is verbal, we emanate a lot of what we're thinking and feeling through facial expressions and the way we move. So it's about describing these things and letting them express the feeling subtlety. Describing the scene is inexorably colored with your emotional state. It's my pleasure. Feel free to reach out with any questions.
27th May 2020 10:39pm
Favourite lines (together they could make a verse in itself):
Your body is made for me
Fits me like a glove....
We are electricity
We are love
and:
Let's use every floor and surface [suggests a place everywhere gets made love on]
Your body is made for me
Fits me like a glove....
We are electricity
We are love
and:
Let's use every floor and surface [suggests a place everywhere gets made love on]
27th May 2020 10:45pm
Thanks Solomon_Song. I am glad you liked it and yeah your interpretation is accurate to my thinking.
31st May 2020 7:17pm
AC/DC "You Shook Me all Night Long". Best of luck the power doesn't go out and you stay charged.
1st Jun 2020 00:01am
Great song. The power grid buys extra electricity off me to keep me from exploding. ;)
Anonymous
- Edited 9th Apr 2022 5:45am
29th Sep 2021 11:27pm
<< post removed >>
29th Sep 2021 11:44pm
I am so happy you felt the sweet passion in this one. Thank you so much for reading and giving me your thoughts.
Anonymous
- Edited 12th Aug 2024 3:45am
4th Nov 2022 6:06pm
<< post removed >>
4th Nov 2022 8:45pm
Oh boy!... Stepping back in time again... wow... and that note, I guess I kept going. :p I really appreciate your take... and seeing the multiple themes and moods. So weird reading this again.. it's been a long time. Extreme readability. I love it! Thank you! Ted
Anonymous
- Edited 12th Aug 2024 3:45am
4th Nov 2022 8:47pm
<< post removed >>
