Becoming A Heterosexual Again

Y’all...

I recently went to a de-gaying camp, where God’s light penetrates and straightens you out. The pastor himself was a closet queen and I had my doubts about how effective any of this would be.

Bible verses, bible verses, bible verses. That’s what they fed me. Didn’t stop the hunger: for raw, exotic cocks in my face.

Then one night Jesus appeared to me in my dreams. He says to me that HE HIMSELF dabbled in gay shit with the apostles. But he stopped that early on. When I asked him why, he said to me “because pussy is better than assholes.” He went on to explain that sometimes you get shit on your dick when you fuck people in the ass and that the pussy was specially designed by God as a pleasure pocket. Still feeling gay, I asked him if there were any exceptions. He said... “a mouth’s a mouth when the lights are out.” Then he disappeared in a flash of lightning.

After that, I was heterosexual again. I don’t even fuck with men while the lights are on.
Because I love The Lord and ask myself “what would Jesus do”

I know this much. Jesus is only gay in the dark. He’s not at all fabulous the way I was. Because he was humble. And now... so am I.