A love letter to myself

 
I can see why he loved you
now
A week after you left him
Your stomach wasn't quite flat
but close enough
and the curve of your chest
graceful
but
awkwardly between child and woman
the nose that little too straight
the bone vulnerably peeking out the top
more beautiful than i realised
the skin whiter than white
delicately curvaceous
yet also salmon pink
uneasy tan sitting on your skin
not as awkward as you think
despite your arms and face golden, your torso
remained salmon
you looked healthier
than you had in months
you'd been inside
crying
leaving him had been a relief
leaving what she had done too
more so
the awkward angle of your elbow
the shoulders still tense behind your hair
still beautiful
the smile that screamed
"i know i'm not beautiful"
cried awkward
but in denial of its denial
zoom in on the background
of the photos
of you taken from afar-
you can't pose with any confidence-
a man is staring
your legs are long
longer than you thought
you're not beautiful
but your youth is
and your eyes bluer than you realised
your brother grips your arms
he loves you
more than you love you