deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Note
The Note
As tears flowed down her cheeks,
In a stream of confusion, she seeks-
A less painful but necessary rupture,
I sat in awe, not knowing or understanding her departure.
That sweet soothing voice sliced through me,
As I begged for mercy, she proceeded to maimed me.
Grasping for air, her boot was on my throat,
My hands on her heels, so I reached her a note.
In that note: "why the tears my dear-
when your words are ending my-
kind deeds with murder?"
As tears flowed down her cheeks,
In a stream of confusion, she seeks-
A less painful but necessary rupture,
I sat in awe, not knowing or understanding her departure.
That sweet soothing voice sliced through me,
As I begged for mercy, she proceeded to maimed me.
Grasping for air, her boot was on my throat,
My hands on her heels, so I reached her a note.
In that note: "why the tears my dear-
when your words are ending my-
kind deeds with murder?"
Published 13th Jan 2012
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13th Jan 2012 10:59pm
14th Jan 2012 1:56am
Love the anger, the brevity. Two minor things. I'd change "maimed" to "maim." Also I think if you moved "kind" from the last line to the end of the next to the last line, you get the implication of a stronger oppression (ending my kind) than just an individual oppression. Then the last line would give you the extra punch of also betraying the kind deeds.
