How Can I Last?

Every day...
life gets a little harder for me...
harder to breathe...
harder to think...
harder to get out of bed
and just keep going...
I feel like I'm fighting a war
within my own mind
trying to push back the dark cloud
that surrounds me all the time
whispering in my head
all these haunting little thoughts
urging me to succumb
beneath its onslaught
while my fragile heart
already so abused
gets beaten and battered
until it's black and blue
and the dragon in my life...
she only makes it worse
pouring salt and lemon juice
until everything finally hurts
telling me I don't try hard enough
that I'll never ever change
but if she looked a little closer
she'd know that's not the case
for so long I've tried my hardest
to be what she wants me too
but she never notices what I do right
only seeing the wrong I do...
every day I walk on tiptoe
past her fiery dragon's keep
praying with all my might
that she won't turn her eyes towards me...
anxiety beyond measure
with nowhere left to go
i claw and scratch upon my skin...
but I can't help myself you know...
for 4 years now I've tried to stop
but just when I come close
she pops her head around the corner
and oops.. there I go
all of the pressure and weight she puts on me
leaves me struggling to even breathe
with self-esteem that's nonexistent
it's hard to do what she asks of me
and its only made worse
when she starts calling me names
ugly and stupid and weird
she enjoys playing these games
really I don't know
how much longer I can last
with this hurtful monster..
what's her name? you ask..
oh...
well...
she's my mother