Abuse

 
The hatred for me inside of their souls radiated off of them like heat from the sun,
It started out as verbal abuse; Little did I know it had just begun.  
 
The words from their mouths were sharp as if they have knives for tounges,
I was choking on their lies like I had phenomina in my lungs.
 
At first I shrugged it off because I saw through the lies,
But as I looked closer In the mirror I started to see myself from their eyes.  
 
When the abuse became physical they had a favorite spot to hide away,
They were like tigers in the wild and I was the misfortunate prey.  
 
It always overwhelmed me to go to the cafeteria,
My body would start to shake as if I had diptheria.
 
One day they went to far and pushed me down a cameraless staircase,
They denied everything and I felt so alone and worthless as if God made me by accident and I was just misplaced.  
 
Unfortunately...

I broke the vow that I made to myself that day,
I vowed to never hurt or abuse anyone in any way.  
 
Instead of hurting others I started abusing myself,
I become worn down and torn up like an old book on a shelf.  
 
It really is quite sad that after all these years have passed I still give their words power over me,
I became someone I said I would never be.  
 
I know it's wrong but it feels like the negativity is all that I know,
For years I beat myself up inside then I discovered self-harm and I hate that I allowed myself to stoop so low.  
 
It was as if all the battles I fought left scars and from them inside of my head a demon was created,
To end my life so many times I have debated.
 
I've battled this since I was 11 years old,
It gets better I was always told.
 
I didn't believe them becuase I tried so many meds, therapy and breathing techniques,
Nothing seemed to change I am still battling the same things and they say that me continuing to fight makes me stronger; then why do I feel so weak.