Message in the toilet.

Even when I try to put up a front,
You know how to break it down.

Your eye looks deep and I didn't fully see,
Until you fully reaped the negative end of me.

I'm sorry baby girl.

I just want you to know,
I move to ya.
Make me step in tune for ya.
Even in this canvas I can find a groove to ya.
You need to know my heart and soul is tuned for ya,
After realizing that I wasn't doing good for ya.

I had to tell myself never again will I burn down the pillar.

Set by us and took work to put up.

Not much!

And I'm still a lil scared that I burned the bridge.

Also scared that you moved to the ridge.

So baby girl please don't jump again.
If so let me go.
I'll take the L.
Last time I'll give self doubt a win.

But just know I'll be missing you baby,
Until memory hides internal turmoil again.
I'll just cry you out,
Until my tears run crimson.


The circle I understand, even tho I will never let live to truth.
I won't let it come full circle again.

I just need you to see I'm not full of shit.

Please don't sign me off as never able to adapt.

There's a whole lot I can change for you,
and it won't ruin who I am.

But make me more capable for you.

Baby I need you to see, that you are allowed in my head.

I won't cheapen the experience,
By whoring out my feelings to be objectified again.

But only recognized by you,
So I won't pretend.
I fell.

I need to see you have defences too.
Yet,
The way we defend ourselves,
Feels like it takes away from who I am,
Feels like it takes away from each rebirth of you.
But I see it's from other dudes,
I just pray to God you treat me as who I am.
Sensitive for you too the end.


I need to be honest.
Sometimes it feels like you aren't feeling me tho,
and that's when I feel a loop.

I understand it's just your defences,
but it scares me into never trying again,
even if not you.

Subconsciously I was saying the words of self doubt so you can hate me and hurry up with my rejection.

At that point I had no faith in me,
And it sullied my faith in you.

So if you need to shatter my glass house,
To leave.
I understand it's your past pain from within.
Eating away at you,
Alive.
By that point it won't even matter if I am.

I'm done defending because I need you to see I'm real.

The feeling of not feeling you is raw.
Deep down inside.
I wish I could discover more.

I want you to know,
I don't care if I have to wait years to prove that I want you.

 You can have no doubts that I won't mistreat you.

I just need you to know that I am not perfect or Mr right now,

But for you I can always try my best.

A**** let me work at this.




 Weeks later.

Looking back you are just super toxic.
Tom cruising into your place of reverence, just to let you know that you are foul, and that it is I who is done with you was quite rewarding. Watching you rage at me, foaming out the mouth over my worthless feelings.

You know like, I had no idea women could be so foul until I met my sister, that one bitch, and you. I dodged a bullet not getting deeper into you. Nothing will ever be your fault. Ever.

You can't accept your own failures and when others share personally with you, you see their words as shit enough to share with your crew.

I didn't tell your friend that, I told you.

Im all about learning my shit qualities to fix, you let people run around like a headless chicken for your entertainment.
  You're fucking evil and my Goggles didn't let me see soon enough now i got chips in my heart from a worthless CUNT.

If my feelings are worthless to you then your life is worth Less to me at this point and maybe you should carry on the way you did before you met me and smoke your lungs, brains, and confidence away, along with your life. Say hello to COPD for me since we are here at ground zero again.

At this point I don't give a fuck if your next fuck is your last and you catch super aids. I just had to read this sappy shit two weeks after the fact to realize you are a cunt and will never deserve my passion, my admiration, my energy. You are a fucking leech. Wether it's society, your family, or the men you trick into your life.(who are all the bad guys🤣)

Cunt!

Im training to run a marathon and you can die walking briskly. The fuck was I thinking? Why did I think you of all people could just be cool with what I got to offer.

Maybe it's my fault for falling for more of a loser than me. Shit it makes me realize I'm In damn great condition and it's me who is my worst enemy. Then it's cunts like like you, then it's the KKK. Anyway I'm writing this to reflect upon this bullshit plea of a poem to a sloppy geloppi of a thot in retrospect. Wasted effort on my part.

 It's time to make money and get my playboy on.

I'm done with the shit. My respect levels are at a all time low for y'all so if I treat you like meat this is why, and it will work.

    The most depressing thing of all of this, "IT WILL WORK". I just wanted to refuse to believe y'all so fucking easy. Humans. So easy. It's like no wonder Facebook knows you better than you.

   I refused  to believe you could set me up in such away to show me you have men lined up for dick and act like you didn't play me that night. You are a true heartless bitch and for that if you were to get sick and die, I would remember that one night and laugh. Then I would mourn. For like 2 seconds and laugh again.

Cunt.

That's the last of this new found angst for ya. You aren't worth  holding on to you worth Less, useless, fucking bug of a fucking cunt, my new inspiration to surpass the losers that try to cling to me for my sauce while I try to use that secret sauce for myself. It's my fucking sauce. Fuck You!!!.

Get your own, it took years and still in the making of developing a sauce that holds the flavor of a unique perspective on life that's too bold for most, and yet not rowdy enough for a some. This sauce is the rage, and it only gets better. You will have to see from afar that you fucked it up. Shit girl at nearly 40 you are almost out of your own and my extention is gone so???????

You done found yourself high and dry.
Dry.
Dry.
Dry.

Im all about that wet.
Even until I'm 100 I will be fit enough for a good final fuck.

You'd die from my dick right now.

I never wanted you for sex, but it's clear you wanted me for play. That's fine, but you need to tell a guy that's what y'all are doing.

 I'm not a slut a ho, a whore, etc. I look good but I never used it. Not for y'all. I'm too direct and you are too isolated. Even more than me and I could have been a school shooter in another life for sure.

So you work on your bullshit and and I'm going to continue to strive to be better. You were just a shit covered bump in the road. I'm sorry I gave you my time. You were not worth one second of the pain I went through over you.

  Looking back you ain't shit as a human being. Just a spotlight actor.