deepundergroundpoetry.com
EACH HAS HIS GAIN.
EACH HAS HIS GAIN.
Lonely boat, don't you fear the rough sea?
Waves are high, land is far, and you're small.
What do you gain from this long voyage?
All is lost in the case your sail's torn.
When you sail, you think of the far land.
Who tells you that one day it appears?
A rash whale might upturn your small hull
and send you sinking down to the depth.
"This is life, my dear sir, all men face."
He tells me, "You spend time on your verse.
If you reach your great aim, you will gain
what l dream when l reach my far land."
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
Lonely boat, don't you fear the rough sea?
Waves are high, land is far, and you're small.
What do you gain from this long voyage?
All is lost in the case your sail's torn.
When you sail, you think of the far land.
Who tells you that one day it appears?
A rash whale might upturn your small hull
and send you sinking down to the depth.
"This is life, my dear sir, all men face."
He tells me, "You spend time on your verse.
If you reach your great aim, you will gain
what l dream when l reach my far land."
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
____________________________________
Published 18th Apr 2020
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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18th Apr 2020 5:15pm
"If you reach your great aim, you will gain
what l dream when l reach my far land."
So what does (or will) the boat dream about once he makes land? Unless you say, there's no way of knowing that the boat's claim about what will happen if you reach your aim is true.
And it seems to me that your pice does not say that "each" actually has "his" gain. You are speaking here about what one **might** gain if one successfully braves one's rough sea. So once again, you've titled a text poorly.
More importantly, though -- what's here that will make an aspiring poet say "Damn! I wish I had written that!" What would an aspiring poet learn here about the way poetry should be written if it is to be good poetry?
what l dream when l reach my far land."
So what does (or will) the boat dream about once he makes land? Unless you say, there's no way of knowing that the boat's claim about what will happen if you reach your aim is true.
And it seems to me that your pice does not say that "each" actually has "his" gain. You are speaking here about what one **might** gain if one successfully braves one's rough sea. So once again, you've titled a text poorly.
More importantly, though -- what's here that will make an aspiring poet say "Damn! I wish I had written that!" What would an aspiring poet learn here about the way poetry should be written if it is to be good poetry?
I am a little boat
out here so lost,
wind tossed,
upon the broad back of the sea.
A storm begins to brew.
It stirs up waves that swell
into a thunderous rage
and surge to swamp
the whole of me.
I shall be battered,
dragged
by water’s drowning weight
down to
the darkening depths below,
and never gain
the end, the dream,
at which I aimed
when I set sail for harbors
in the lands far, far away
that now, I fear,
I’ll never come to know.
Perhaps If I
call out to Jesus now
and cry "I'm like to die"
he'll do what I once read
he did before:
he stilled a rabid storm
with a rebuke,
and from this terrifying tempest
I'll be saved.
Oh Jesus, you're my Lord!
out here so lost,
wind tossed,
upon the broad back of the sea.
A storm begins to brew.
It stirs up waves that swell
into a thunderous rage
and surge to swamp
the whole of me.
I shall be battered,
dragged
by water’s drowning weight
down to
the darkening depths below,
and never gain
the end, the dream,
at which I aimed
when I set sail for harbors
in the lands far, far away
that now, I fear,
I’ll never come to know.
Perhaps If I
call out to Jesus now
and cry "I'm like to die"
he'll do what I once read
he did before:
he stilled a rabid storm
with a rebuke,
and from this terrifying tempest
I'll be saved.
Oh Jesus, you're my Lord!
6th Oct 2020 10:41pm
6th Oct 2020 10:51pm
