Can’t Hurt Me Anymore

  As everyone around me has left the room has gotten more quieter meanwhile the voices in my head have gotten louder.
So loud, I can hear them screaming things in my ear about how I’m the reason they all left or better yet it’s no wonder why they left because if they didn’t leave at all they would’ve been just wasting their time around me.
The more I feel it, the more I start to believe it as I cannot help but think I’m the reason why all my relationships never lasted, I’m the reason why my friends were never really my friends in the first place but as I listen to all these voices in my head my outer self is showing a different side.
I’m happy for awhile, but sometimes I still feel like I’m feigning a smile just to avoid people from noticing my pain inside.
But the more I do it the more I feel as though I’m at war with myself like one side of me feels emotionally numb and trapped in solitude while the other is perfectly fine with faking some of my emotions.
Sometimes I don’t mind being alone, but then there are those moments where I feel as though I have no one but just me, myself, and I and I honestly don’t give a shit if it comes down to that anymore ‘cause why worry about keeping people around me when they won’t stay anymore?.
I’m tired of caring when others don’t care,
I’m tired of putting myself out there when others won’t.
I’m tired of trusting others when they just keep betraying me instead of showing me the exact opposite.
Fuck the expectations I’ll just close myself off and won’t let you hurt me anymore, cause I know for sure if I ever open up again it sure as hell will be the dumbest mistake I’ve ever made.