"the madcap laughs"

I fear the part of me which
doesn't give a fuck is taking control
fully..

I can't help it,
I feel lost in some loop
I keep returning to no matter what,
losing it little by little
my being feels so fucking brittle..

Increasingly bitter but
 I'm grateful to the gods for
all the glory and moments of misery
catalysing change and growth,
but more and more, day by day
I feel
dazed and detached
in a maze of mishaps
I gaze
and give in to the urge to drift away
then I'm gone..

"The madcap laughs"
at the land of madness
longing to leave behind
the lies I live by,
won't deny I want to escape
but have no clue how to make a break
or if I have what it takes
and I know I can't break
 or make the same mistakes
 for my sanitys sake..