Hollow Mother

They're not here  
They never were
Only existing in my body for a short time
Was it me?  
Did I do something wrong?
My womb should have brought life
But snuffed both of yours out way too soon
"You're to blame"
The living kept taunting me
I would've given my life for yours to have a chance  
Four years later..
I wonder what you two would be like
What would your voices sound like?
What would make you smile?  
What would you know and what would you learn?
Then again, how would I miss what I never had, as they keep telling me?
How could I miss birthdays for children never born?
How could I miss your laughter as I hear it from my nephews?
A lost tooth
A drawing on the fridge
The first day of school
It's not possible my heart could hurt as I hold a baby not mine
Wishing I could've held mine and never let go
I'd hold tight and never let go
Never let go
I didn't want you to go
And yet we had to say goodbye..