Self Pity

Self pitying
that's all I am
I get chances no one else gets
and I'm still disappointed
Not mad
just disappointed
Disappointed in myself
for never being good enough for what I shoot for
But "you have talent" they say
and "you got it" they say
or "you already have more than they have" they say
but nothing ever really fills the gap
of not feeling good enough
the constant need for more
Because it gets me high
when I do well
and when I don't
I know I can do better
but sometimes I give it my all
and it gets me nowhere
I know that's just a part of life
but it still sucks
Even with other successes
because hey
if I can do that
why aren't I good enough for this
but that's stupid
I'm stupid
Stupid for not just being happy
but I never learned how to fail
Always at the top
Everything always came so easy
until it didn't anymore
and suddenly I don't have the motivation
to try
to keep going
to get the fuck over it
because all I can do is hate myself
hate the way I look
hate my performance
and pity myself
Because that's all I do
and that's all I'll ever do
I'm selfish
It's in human nature to be selfish
but I get so stuck in my own goddamn head
that it's hard to find a way out
hard to work my way through the maze of my mind
because it always leads back to the same place
I always end up at the beginning
and the beginning is never being quite enough
for anyone or anything
I have nothing left to give or bring