My Shadow

I feel a sadness deep inside one that will not break to the surface
It eats me from inside out and mostly I don't notice
Festering deep within the darkness not yet merged
For if I only knew what it was then I could purge
I ponder over the trigger that makes me cry each time
And only come to the conclusion that I just failed in my eyes
This is not an option for I have faught so hard
I pulled myself from my own hell and gave life a new start
Yet there still remains the pain of the failure of my dues.
It sits right here with me whatever I persue
Perhaps the inadequacy is still so prominent in its grip
To excel through life but fail for one has made me shift
Yet this shift is one that I can not bare
For I can not find where it lies so intripid with its glare!
I've delved so deep and can not find what it is that binds my mind
I find a moments peace within and then I'm filled with love
Only to be ripped from it when I leave the above
It saddens me that I am never good enough for me
Why can't I just see I'm all I need to be!
I'm already free and swimming in a sea of wonder
But my hearts sometimes becomes sombre
I stumble and fumble and I'm all muddled with the puzzles of this phase that ails me
But tomorrow I'll be OK it's what I say everyday
And I am until the sadness hits again because I can't seem to see that "I am" is always for eternity.
Even though I sing it so loud and proud it's harder to tamper with the anthem that plays another loop.
Yes this is all too much to compute but my loops are what prevails through this phase.
Until I can find better ways to cut the cord that is tied to this proverbial sinking ship