Circle of Life

Everyone is born, and dies,
Everyone lives, laughs, gets mad, and cries.
It seems as though just as soon as we get out into the real world,
Our parent(s)/guardians, our world,
Starts to go downhill,
And eventually, as it always will,
Will cease to be
And this is what I see.
I am just about to get out into the real world,
To get a drivers license, and a new job, with my walls dismantled,
But now my mother's fatigue is getting a little worse,
And her mother is even worse.
Just as I am coming into the real world,
She is showing the very beginning signs of the start of the end of her world,
She is just now coming into the real world, a raise and less stressful schedule at work, and more independent children,
And a bit more time to spend with her children,
Her mother is going downhill fast,
It won't be many more years she'll last.
It breaks her heart,
It breaks my heart, to see it break her heart.
I've never been close to my grandmother,
And there are things I could never tell her,
For she would worry about me,
But regardless, whenever I am where I am free,
I will be who I am meant to be.
I am a man, I am he,
But enough about me.
Grandmother is slowly (but faster than before), dying,
And it won't be many years until my mother is crying.
Grandmother is getting weak, her legs are often too weak for standing without help,
To get to the bathroom, she needs help,
Her hearing and eyesight are getting so much worse,
As her little nurse,
I have to explain everything to her that she doesn't understand,
And always be where I can hear her, to lend a hand.
Her hands shake, her mouth shutters,
When she breathes in bed, she sounds like a shuttering ghost, and in her sleep, she mutters.
She is so sweet, but so fearful that I won't hear her,
Or that I won't listen to her
When she tells me how to do things,
But I always listen, and always smile, positively agree, and nod my head,
I always do what she has said,
I'm a marionette, with short, rough, strings,
And every ad I see on TV, is about in home care, different medicines, marital problems, and marital dramas, it hurts me, all these things.
(It's not that I don't like older people,
In fact, I can't wait to get older, and I almost exclusively have crushes on older (50's-70's) people.)
This is causing me great situational depression and nihilism,
But I know it won't last, I have some optimism,
She will soon after some physical and occupational therapy, go into a home,
And to my family, pets, and life, I can go home.
I'm sorry for bringing it back to me,
But it hurts when I see,
That even though I love her,
I cannot stand her.
I wish it wasn't so,
Wish that she wouldn't from life, soon go,
And that I can't chat very freely with her, I'm hiding in a shadow.
Hiding in a shadow of straight, cis female, doubt of my ability to take care of her, limited personal life, and death right around the corner,
And I feel like, for feeling this way, I am a monster.
It is about her, not me,
I just wish this situation didn't have to be.