deepundergroundpoetry.com
Tuesdays
I cant help but think of all the things I dont want to do right now... because the list is long and it never leaves my mind.
I cant help but focus on all the people I dont want to see, dont want to hear from, wish I could get away from... you know, the people that I love.
I just want all of this to end. I want it to be over. I dont want to wake up another day and think " I'd rather blow my brains out then face this." Because I cant pin point a single thing in my life worth blowing my brains out over.
Having to text someone the size of a kids shoe isn't worth the tears that I shed today.
And listening to someone tell me what my Saturday will hold isn't worth the heart palpitations that it just inspired.
And when I send a text to refocus and think of something else, it shouldn't turn into 45 minutes worth of dread and wishing they would "for the love of the Lord STOP TEXTING BACK."
And all these cries for help are silent because I hate every word that I let slip between my lips. It literally makes me want to puke/ punch myself for having such weak moments. Where speaking the truth of my thoughts out loud reveal how incredibly unstable and desperate I am.
I hate EVERYTHING!
I cant help but focus on all the people I dont want to see, dont want to hear from, wish I could get away from... you know, the people that I love.
I just want all of this to end. I want it to be over. I dont want to wake up another day and think " I'd rather blow my brains out then face this." Because I cant pin point a single thing in my life worth blowing my brains out over.
Having to text someone the size of a kids shoe isn't worth the tears that I shed today.
And listening to someone tell me what my Saturday will hold isn't worth the heart palpitations that it just inspired.
And when I send a text to refocus and think of something else, it shouldn't turn into 45 minutes worth of dread and wishing they would "for the love of the Lord STOP TEXTING BACK."
And all these cries for help are silent because I hate every word that I let slip between my lips. It literally makes me want to puke/ punch myself for having such weak moments. Where speaking the truth of my thoughts out loud reveal how incredibly unstable and desperate I am.
I hate EVERYTHING!
Published 27th Jan 2020
Author's Note
Journal entry from last Tuesday...
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Stop thinking...........................!
Make a list and as much as possible -- stick to the list of things to do and think about today!!
If we try to think and feel and o and procrastinate ABOUT EVERYTHING.........EVERYDAY
we will be wearing tight straight super white clothing!!
If You are a novice,
do 3 things a day
(it's how i started on my road to a better way of doing and thinking)
Make a list and as much as possible -- stick to the list of things to do and think about today!!
If we try to think and feel and o and procrastinate ABOUT EVERYTHING.........EVERYDAY
we will be wearing tight straight super white clothing!!
If You are a novice,
do 3 things a day
(it's how i started on my road to a better way of doing and thinking)
28th Jan 2020 00:17am
That's exactly what happens I procrastinate and everything builds up... I will definitely try this, thank you Tallen.
