deepundergroundpoetry.com
They
I can feel you,
slip
away so fast
I can see you,
run
away from me
Can only
get
so far
From you
Till I can’t feel this
Moment
that Just won’t pass
What we had,
it shouldn’t have lasted
They’re keep
Ing me away
From you
Well
They
were my best friends
I Trusted
them
till the end
They hid
They
Didn’t tell me
You
We’re
With someone new
You
Are
With someone new
You’re
In Love
With someone else
Needed to getaway,
distance from us
What we had,
it shouldn’t have lasted
They’re keeping
me away,
from you
slip
away so fast
I can see you,
run
away from me
Can only
get
so far
From you
Till I can’t feel this
Moment
that Just won’t pass
What we had,
it shouldn’t have lasted
They’re keep
Ing me away
From you
Well
They
were my best friends
I Trusted
them
till the end
They hid
They
Didn’t tell me
You
We’re
With someone new
You
Are
With someone new
You’re
In Love
With someone else
Needed to getaway,
distance from us
What we had,
it shouldn’t have lasted
They’re keeping
me away,
from you
Published 11th Jan 2020
Author's Note
Kinda how a friend doesn’t tell you bad news, you need to know so you get upset but they’re only doing so you don’t get hurt
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
1st Feb 2020 12:14pm
I’d rather not know as the pain of seeing the one you love with someone else, say in a club or at a party with mutual friends, is enough to trigger someone’s insanity !
The rawness of this write was felt, deeply... keep writing ! 🌻
The rawness of this write was felt, deeply... keep writing ! 🌻
6th Apr 2020 3:42am
Not bad however there are two issues I have with this poem.
The first issue is the last line
“They’re keeping me away,
from you”
I think it would sound better if you would change it to “ They were keeping me away from you.”
Also my second issue is where you say somewhere in the poem you repeat the same line however you spaced the keeping apart but aside from that it was not bad
The first issue is the last line
“They’re keeping me away,
from you”
I think it would sound better if you would change it to “ They were keeping me away from you.”
Also my second issue is where you say somewhere in the poem you repeat the same line however you spaced the keeping apart but aside from that it was not bad
6th Apr 2020 6:34am
I agree It does sound better that way, but this was originally unfinished song lyrics those parts matched better up with the flow and I spaced it out to help better with the timing
6th Apr 2020 6:35am
6th Apr 2020 7:38am
Oh ok my bad,
Yeah I have a bad habit doing that too so at first I wasn’t too sure if you just said screw it and post it or was gonna come back to it later to edit it.
Regardless I don’t mean to come off snobby
Yeah I have a bad habit doing that too so at first I wasn’t too sure if you just said screw it and post it or was gonna come back to it later to edit it.
Regardless I don’t mean to come off snobby
6th Apr 2020 8:35am
I didn’t find it snobby at all, you already made one better and this one too. At some point I’ll get around to finishing it
6th Apr 2020 8:43am
Oh ok I’m glad you didn’t think I was being snobby and you appreciated my criticism 🙂
