deepundergroundpoetry.com
lonnie's prayer
ain't none of them things
what could have been
all what i wished
all what i thought up
and dreamt
and wanted
and hungered for
and this thing
now
can't be shook
and all these years,
all this decrepit self
and these aches
and me so small
and so goddamned ready
i can taste the quiet
and no wiser for any of it,
not really,
and not free even yet
and, lord, if heaven ain't real,
then what?
what could have been
all what i wished
all what i thought up
and dreamt
and wanted
and hungered for
and this thing
now
can't be shook
and all these years,
all this decrepit self
and these aches
and me so small
and so goddamned ready
i can taste the quiet
and no wiser for any of it,
not really,
and not free even yet
and, lord, if heaven ain't real,
then what?
Published 10th Jan 2020
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 4
reading list entries 3
comments 4
reads 484
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
I am not a fan of redundant and repetitive words, particularly conjunctions and prepositions; however, this. . .this poetry is more like prayer uttered from an innocent heart, so it works. It has a very southern feel to it, Green Mile John Coffee-like.
It's a good one, javalini.
It's a good one, javalini.
10th Jan 2020 5:38pm
28th Feb 2020 7:21pm
i'm with Ahavati on not liking repeated words. (even though i find myself doing it sometimes.) but this....it is a heartfelt stream of consciousness, like a prayer. i'd love to hear this one out loud.
29th Feb 2020 2:57pm
Thank you, DaisyGrace.
A poem might sound right when I post it, and then when I read it weeks later I see so many ways to improve it.
I never finish editing.
Thanks again for your comments.
Always appreciated.
A poem might sound right when I post it, and then when I read it weeks later I see so many ways to improve it.
I never finish editing.
Thanks again for your comments.
Always appreciated.
