it wasn’t my choice

it wasn’t my choice.
one day you just decided we were fine.
after what felt like years everything just went away
you decided nothing happened therefore i couldn’t be upset.
but the thing is: you decided this for me.
i was fine not talking to you.
i was in the best place mentally i had been in a long time without you.
i was just getting over you.
i was putting myself back together from the broken pieces.
i wasn’t ready to forgive you yet let alone have you come barreling back into my life.
it still hurts to talk to you and hear you talk about us like all we ever were was friends.
it still hurts to be around you after the pain you caused me
i still love you and every second i spend with you no matter how much it hurts
i still lie to my friends saying that we are ok now
i still lie to myself saying i dong love you anymore
you and i have been so fake in being fine and i hate it because it feels so real that i’m falling for you again and i still am not recovered from the last time i fell.