empty

demons are feeding on my soul,
where there once was a heart,
is now just a gaping black hole.
void of all emotions
yet feeling such pain,
trying to heal with pills n potions
trying to feel numb
I need to feel something
I will take it any way it comes.
drugs, pain, sex or attention from men,
I need to feel valued, somehow validated,
when will it all end?
I'm sinking
lower and lower, I'm drowning
I no longer know what I am thinking
standing in front of the mirror
 disgusted  by my own reflection
I can understand why ppl leave me
I finally understand their rejection.
maybe it's something I need to accept
maybe I'm just unlovable
maybe I'm  simply inept
try as I may
I can't seem to get it right
I always lose at the end of the day
where is my self worth
where is my confidence
why am I trapped in this hell on Earth
where is my family
that I love so much
is this my destiny
stripped of motherhood
constantly thinking of ending it all
oh, how I wish I could
I just want to be normal again
to feel accepted and wanted
but all I get is looked upon with disdain
nothing is ever good enough
I want to be gentle, soft and sweet
but forced to be tough
Lord heal my heart
ease my spirit
show me where to start
I'm tired of harsh words
being talked down too
ppl don't realize the tongue is a sword
already feeling low
cast out and forgotten
unable to handle another blow
I want to run  away
but left with no options
so I'm forced to stay
pushed back into the same ol grind
same ol same ol
It happens every time
I want to surrender
stop trying to please
just go out on a bender
who cares what people think of me
I'm obviously never gonna get it right
so this must be my destiny