you didn’t notice

when i was 5 i watched a barbie movie where the villain hung the princess and i decided to try and hang myself like the princess. sure it was by the waist and i intended to be saved by my princess best friend but
 
you didn’t notice
 
when i was in second grade i was consistently bullied and teased for months on end and made my first suicide attempt  
 
you didn’t notice
 
when i started at my new school i was overly stressed and cried myself to sleep every night since then
 
you didn’t notice
 
at that new school i made a stupid decision that cost me a friend and was detrimental to my mental health  
 
you didn’t notice
 
all throughout my childhood i have suffered from what could only be defined as mental illness that has been left untreated  
 
but you didn’t notice
 
i have planned and nearly executed suicide attempts  
 
but you didn’t notice
 
so now that i’m all grown up and i’m numb to all the pain in my life the only thing that hurts me is your words. so now here’s my question to you. did you notice when i bought a knife to slit my wrists? did you notice when i stopped trying to please you because nothing was good enough? did you notice that i have stopped caring about my appearance because all i see is the failure you have made me see? so as i’m sitting here after another of our infamous fights with that knife to my wrists i ask myself
 
will you notice?