deepundergroundpoetry.com
My Dog
"i am loyal as i don't have manners"
that's what they say,
but i do, just can't explain.
If i am barking, my feelings are well expressed
but not understood.
my existence is their protection,
the security of the entire family.
still, every man done wrong, is referred to my name
"dog",
My actions can be reckless ,sometimes
but responsibility is,
being the gate of their yard.
Take care of me, I'll take care of you
(ruff-ruff!!), i hope you understand now.
that's what they say,
but i do, just can't explain.
If i am barking, my feelings are well expressed
but not understood.
my existence is their protection,
the security of the entire family.
still, every man done wrong, is referred to my name
"dog",
My actions can be reckless ,sometimes
but responsibility is,
being the gate of their yard.
Take care of me, I'll take care of you
(ruff-ruff!!), i hope you understand now.
Published 14th Nov 2019
| Edited 13th Oct 2020
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 7
reading list entries 1
comments 10
reads 584
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
14th Nov 2019 11:54am
Really enjoyed the raw nature of this, imbongi. We too are merely animals with may mimicking instincts about us.
In the spirit of honest critique, one thing jumped out at me:
every men done wrong
I think it should be man* vs men. If you use the plural ( men ) then it should be preceded by all ( adjective ); therefore, it should correctly read as - every man done wrong or all men done wrong. Outside of that grammar notation, there is a comma that needs backed up to the previous line in S3: ,but responsibility is.
Outside of that, it's an excellent poem in structure and content. I love the metaphor.
In the spirit of honest critique, one thing jumped out at me:
every men done wrong
I think it should be man* vs men. If you use the plural ( men ) then it should be preceded by all ( adjective ); therefore, it should correctly read as - every man done wrong or all men done wrong. Outside of that grammar notation, there is a comma that needs backed up to the previous line in S3: ,but responsibility is.
Outside of that, it's an excellent poem in structure and content. I love the metaphor.
14th Nov 2019 12:17pm
Thank you very much Ahavati, please correct me again if i may have miss understood your critique...
I think i made changes. please check.
I think i made changes. please check.
14th Nov 2019 12:19pm
You're very welcome, imbongi.
See these lines in S3?
My actions can be reckless sometimes
,but responsibility is,
The comma preceding but needs to be moved behind sometimes.
See these lines in S3?
My actions can be reckless sometimes
,but responsibility is,
The comma preceding but needs to be moved behind sometimes.
14th Nov 2019 1:25pm
14th Nov 2019 1:53pm
We all are distracted at times, imbongi! Myself included. I truly appreciate extra eyeballs on my work!
14th Nov 2019 12:12pm
NICELY COMPOSED...IF YOU TAKE CARE OF YOUR DOG YOU HAVE A FRIEND FOR LIFE...RESPECT
14th Nov 2019 3:59pm
Really enjoyed this poem. Very nicely done - more humans should see things from an animal's perspective.
20th Dec 2019 4:49am
Pure, unadulterated trust, acceptance, and devotion.
Amazing how the faithful companion is used to describe one with questionable morals and loyalties
Excellent ink
Amazing how the faithful companion is used to describe one with questionable morals and loyalties
Excellent ink
6th Jan 2020 9:57am
10th Apr 2020 4:43am
Finally I now know what they mean when they say, "It's a dog's life."
Ungivule amehlo
Ungivule amehlo
