deepundergroundpoetry.com
Resuscitation
I am dead inside.
Hold a mirror to my nose, and catch no breath. And I've felt the chest compressions of a hundred prayers, but I cant feel my own heart beating.
Hold my wrist and feel no pulse. And I can hear the whispers of my spirit pleading for me to move, but I cant budge a single tendon.
Put me on life support and hold on to the me you used to know. And I can read your thoughts like books of my old dreams, but I gave up those ashes like an offering. Promised beauty but molded into an urn.
I am dead inside.
Hold a mirror to my nose, and catch no breath. And I've felt the chest compressions of a hundred prayers, but I cant feel my own heart beating.
Hold my wrist and feel no pulse. And I can hear the whispers of my spirit pleading for me to move, but I cant budge a single tendon.
Put me on life support and hold on to the me you used to know. And I can read your thoughts like books of my old dreams, but I gave up those ashes like an offering. Promised beauty but molded into an urn.
I am dead inside.
Published 2nd Nov 2019
Author's Note
Disenchantment to strong held beliefs
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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2nd Nov 2019 9:04pm
I would remove the refrain line in the second and third instance and instead open and close with it, more impacting that way. Even in my lengthy writes, I keep it moving and use sparse refrains. An opening and closing refrain is called an envelope poem, a technique I often employ. You open with this line, wondering what it is about, the poem tells it's tale and when you close on that same line, it has taken on fuller meaning. It's good technique.
Love the metaphors of prayers and dreams in lines 2 and 6. Line 4 holds purity of emotion in it's confessional candor. Nice work and thank you for sharing with us from such intimate depth. 💖
Love the metaphors of prayers and dreams in lines 2 and 6. Line 4 holds purity of emotion in it's confessional candor. Nice work and thank you for sharing with us from such intimate depth. 💖
2nd Nov 2019 9:32pm
Thank you for your feedback, you are right it feels more earnest with out the extra lines.
