not worth much

Not worth
Much of anything
Not worth
A second read
And certainly
Not worth a discussion
I'm old
I'm sad
I cry a lot
I'm too emotional
I love too deeply
I hate me
I hate who I am
I hate who I am not
I don't want to be in
I don't want to be out
Nor up, nor down
Not really sure where
Most times any way
Lines blurrier everyday
Can't decide
When I do
Can't decide
If I decided
I'm a delusion
I'm delusional  
Can't speak
Can't say
What's really going on
Don't even recognize
 
I am nothing
Not worth
A second glance
Not worth
A second thought
Not worth
A wish come true
Nothing is real
Is all fake anyway
Not worth a drop
In a bucket
Not even a bucket
With a hole
To spill and start again
 
Sadness is a close friend
An ally to rely
A friend when in need
An old stand by
Always near
Never far
As dependable
As they are
Days are long  
Nights longer
Eternity it seems
Looking glass
Is getting older
Eyes swollen
Appearance in the past
Doesn't matter any how  
What I do
Nothing works
Not good enough
Not what you want
I want you
You want her
You want me with you
But can't be her
So what's the use
What's the care
Who really cares
Who really anything
Am not showing  
Shit no more
Hell no
Not deserving  
Such an intellectual
Can't think beyond  
Limited vision
Blind and cannot seek
 
Realms of sadness
I'd rather not be
I'm broken
Recovery difficult
Romance in the past
Bringing it back
Not easy task
Door stuck in time
Or locked entirely
Keys lost long ago
Have to dig deep
To get to surface
Clock is ticking
Every second counts
Bring us back
Where we belong
Where we need to be
And want to be