Suffocating

I'm starting to feel like I'm losing control again.
Does this mean my depression is about to begin?
What would help before it's too late?
Smoking? Writing? Maybe even meditate?

I need help, but I don't know how or when to ask.
I can't put this on someone. It's an impossible task.
There are people begging me to see.
They want to see what I'm feeling.

What happened to me always smiling?
They're begging to help, but I'm drowning.
How do I tell them that I'm not me?
A black hole is taking a part of me.

It's taking my light and suffocating it.
I can't accomplish getting one match lit.
What did I do to deserve this?
Why do I go through these fits?

I thought I was free from your grasp.
I was eighteen when I was yours last.
It's been seven years. Why come back now?
You snuck back into my life. Tell me how.

You can't be here, I've been happy for a while.
I've been happy since I had my first child.
I didn't need poetry anymore to pull me back.
My life was bright instead of this white and black.

How do I stand and fight in a black space?
How did I let myself fall without a single trace?
I keep putting others at fault.
I feel like it won't help to talk.