deepundergroundpoetry.com
Look, Look…Away
You,
yes…you
godlike, childlike
moon on each shoulder
expecting miracles
in the dubious light
standing at the banks
of the red river
dividing truth in half
kicking the scattered
teeth clung to meat
with your feet
speculating
the vapors rising
holding silence
in ear
the fear
breaking us apart
and you pretend
not to see
the alarming blue
gushing from veins.
You,
yes…you
offspring of mice
indistinguishable
from hyenas and wolves
with glaring eyes
dwelling in evil
to prove there is no god
but conscience prevails
in ten-thousand tongues
forking the river
to glide in its will
wiser than the stars
knowing too much
and too much
was more than we ever
needed or asked.
Published 12th Oct 2019
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likes 12
reading list entries 5
comments 8
reads 233
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The author encourages honest critique.
12th Oct 2019 5:16pm
Some times the miracle has always been right there...
just invisible to those who cannot see.
Rather like fairies which are very real...
to those who believe... I like this a lot
You have really illustrated well
the struggle that arises between truth and denial. thanks for the good read... Ely
just invisible to those who cannot see.
Rather like fairies which are very real...
to those who believe... I like this a lot
You have really illustrated well
the struggle that arises between truth and denial. thanks for the good read... Ely
12th Oct 2019 9:20pm
Powerful write Layla.
"dividing truth in half"
... science has a lot to answer for ... :))
"but conscience prevails
in ten-thousand tongues"
... redemption is somehow built in to the deepest part of the human psyche.
I am reminded of that short summary in "A Course in Miracles" : 'Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God'.
"dividing truth in half"
... science has a lot to answer for ... :))
"but conscience prevails
in ten-thousand tongues"
... redemption is somehow built in to the deepest part of the human psyche.
I am reminded of that short summary in "A Course in Miracles" : 'Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God'.
12th Oct 2019 11:30pm
"..but conscience prevails"
i hope so. i truly do. sometimes it's hard to have faith in humanity, but i cling to that.
that truth-splitting... clever use of the reds and blues, and forked tongues.... lots to enjoy in this deep write.
i hope so. i truly do. sometimes it's hard to have faith in humanity, but i cling to that.
that truth-splitting... clever use of the reds and blues, and forked tongues.... lots to enjoy in this deep write.
12th Oct 2019 11:35pm
The comments from Ely and Josh are so insightful and I have perused it again after reading each. The meter has a wonderful flow and the syllabic harmony is on point. Pauses for emphasis are perfect. Been going over it carefully, with that in mind. Refrain line is well rendered. It's good technique to direct address like that. Perks up the reader's listening ears. Powerful close, metaphors pouring with meaning. It's a wonderful write.
13th Oct 2019 1:59am
Layla, you write like a Shaman in beautiful, vivid, and visceral parables. Using things of nature as your protagonists i in morality plays. You are a true poetry Goddess
13th Oct 2019 9:17pm
Love the way this things opens, with the stark contrast... "Godlike, childlike" your work never fails to amaze. Great piece.
13th Oct 2019 11:48pm
This is a magnificent piece of existential poetry Layla...it captures the dilemma that we are all trapped in...our angst...our torn-ness.
Cheers...Harry
Cheers...Harry
Anonymous
- Edited 4th Jun 2022 2:45am
16th Oct 2019 9:35pm
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