deepundergroundpoetry.com
the fourth time
oh shh oh shh now be still
take the seizure loving tendrils of pain
stroke the smoother edges
it’s been worse
be still be quiet be patient
be quiet be patient be still
patient and still and quiet
been gonna be sore
for a while now
rainfall pain relief
no fucking thinking
girl
change the story
you tell about yourself
fourth time lucky
four hours be gone
and a bloodbath
take the seizure loving tendrils of pain
stroke the smoother edges
it’s been worse
be still be quiet be patient
be quiet be patient be still
patient and still and quiet
been gonna be sore
for a while now
rainfall pain relief
no fucking thinking
girl
change the story
you tell about yourself
fourth time lucky
four hours be gone
and a bloodbath
Published 27th Sep 2019
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likes 6
reading list entries 2
comments 5
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27th Sep 2019 1:45pm
Christ this is emotionally intense.
oh shh oh shh now be still
take the seizure loving tendrils of [the] pain /
and stroke the smoother edges
it’s been worse
be still be quiet be patient
be quiet be patient be still
patient and still and quiet
been gonna be sore ( ? )
rainfall pain relief
no fucking thinking girl /
change the story
you tell about yourself
fourth time lucky
four hours be gone
and a bloodbath
I can't suggest beyond minor edits, anna. As to the content, particularly the ending bloodbath, I am definitely reminded of childbirth - particularly after three miscarriages - potentially a fourth. . .
oh shh oh shh now be still
take the seizure loving tendrils of [the] pain /
and stroke the smoother edges
it’s been worse
be still be quiet be patient
be quiet be patient be still
patient and still and quiet
been gonna be sore ( ? )
rainfall pain relief
no fucking thinking girl /
change the story
you tell about yourself
fourth time lucky
four hours be gone
and a bloodbath
I can't suggest beyond minor edits, anna. As to the content, particularly the ending bloodbath, I am definitely reminded of childbirth - particularly after three miscarriages - potentially a fourth. . .
Anonymous
27th Sep 2019 2:11pm
This was like a pick axe to the spine it stopped me dead.... harsh and clever interweaving
The dualit of the word patient puts one both in a hospital but also in a state of agitation and trying to self soothe with the interior monologue runing through it.
Thinks it's one of those days
Thanks for ripping open wounds and laying them bare. This hurt this was real
The dualit of the word patient puts one both in a hospital but also in a state of agitation and trying to self soothe with the interior monologue runing through it.
Thinks it's one of those days
Thanks for ripping open wounds and laying them bare. This hurt this was real
27th Sep 2019 3:29pm
Beautiful, calming self-talk. We spend a lot of energy seeking solace from exterior minds and things when the power is in us to calm. The second stanza is genius in its simplicity. 🙏😉
29th Sep 2019 8:46am
each word proceeds peaks grips drips calms...and then , more to it.
the dialoguing way you weave it so (s)pace of natural ongoingness...
you take me to a 'me' that's on the verge of ..in and out of ..life-taking depths, breaths, births, deaths...
could feel kniving in lightning pain... uprooting almost ...
all the pulsing ups & downs...with a felt calming in plateau...
esp. these expressed way with what's hitting within are there to stay in me long
"rainfall pain relief" -----felt very physical, the metaphor
"no fucking thinking
girl
change the story
you tell about yourself" ------- this is genius. strikes a chord with me (many i hope)
"and a bloodbath" --------i sync with what Ahavati has to say on this..
but also generally strikes as if... there's no escaping the destiny...bloody or otherwise..
this is what you are capable of painting.... life death as is..bleeding fresh or in rotten stinks..
powerful minimalistic as you do. xx
the dialoguing way you weave it so (s)pace of natural ongoingness...
you take me to a 'me' that's on the verge of ..in and out of ..life-taking depths, breaths, births, deaths...
could feel kniving in lightning pain... uprooting almost ...
all the pulsing ups & downs...with a felt calming in plateau...
esp. these expressed way with what's hitting within are there to stay in me long
"rainfall pain relief" -----felt very physical, the metaphor
"no fucking thinking
girl
change the story
you tell about yourself" ------- this is genius. strikes a chord with me (many i hope)
"and a bloodbath" --------i sync with what Ahavati has to say on this..
but also generally strikes as if... there's no escaping the destiny...bloody or otherwise..
this is what you are capable of painting.... life death as is..bleeding fresh or in rotten stinks..
powerful minimalistic as you do. xx
29th Sep 2019 5:20pm
