deepundergroundpoetry.com
Here's some flowers
I am sorry I set the fire-
burnt the house down
after beating you with fists
of untruth and innuendo ( again )
I am sorry ( again )
for accusing your innocent act
of being a derogatory intent -
I tend to make everything about myself
when paranoia gets the best -
especially when you make me angry ( again ).
But, here! Here are some flowers
to make it all better ( again )!
I offer them publicly - with an apology
in front of everyone, all our friends
so they can see how sincere I am -
they will forget my pattern
of broken peace-promises again
( and, again ),
deeming me the better man!
I promise ( yet again )
I will not repeat negativity
ever ( again ) - I promise!
I will work toward the good!
The positive! - I promise ( again ).
Just accept these flowers
despite the abuse you've endured
and we can just start all over ( again )
as though nothing ever happened -
isn't that wonderful?!
We can rebuild, together
what I deliberately destroyed ( again )
If you refuse these flowers
this public gesture of manhood-
then you're weak, small
unforgiving-
Because, you see
I said I was sorry ( again )
for additional havoc I caused
in a moment of human weakness
I openly admitted
because you won't forgive
So this is really your fault-
you see? you're human too,
despite living your life positively
and happily oblivious of me-
I watch your every move
your every word; everything
is secretly geared toward me
You think I don't know
but I do
and, I can guarantee
if you don't accept these flowers
I spent so much time picking ( again )
especially in front of everyone. . .
there will be more combustion
when I deem another innocent action
is covertly about ME
because YOU won't forgive ( again )
Here's some flowers
won't you please accept?
I promise this time
it will be different. . .( again )
~
I spent over a decade volunteering with a battered women's shelter after a four-year abusive relationship. Sometimes counseling involved both parties, and these fuckers would say or do anything publicly to get the upper hand. If you are suffering abuse, do not be lulled by public professions because of peer pressure. Allow people to think what they will, to choose sides if they want - it will prune your fields of frenemies. Those who love and care for you will stand by you because they love and care for you. Those who don't will be revealed by their choice - is this not a blessing? It's one of the highest to me.
Apologies lose their meaning when the abuser says “sorry” so often, yet the abuse does not stop. Their behaviour does not match their words. If you are experiencing any type of abuse, you always have the right to refuse an apology. You always deserve to feel safe, happy and respected in every kind of relationship. Refusing an apology does not mean you have not forgiven - because forgiveness isn't about the OTHER person, but YOURSELF. It's letting go and moving forward without allowing an abuser rent inside your head - not allowing them to occupy one single thought.
The following quote is wonderful mantra to live by"
"Emotionally intelligent people are quick to forgive, but that doesn’t mean that they forget. Forgiveness requires letting go of what’s happened so that you can move on. It doesn’t mean you’ll give a wrongdoer another chance. Successful people are unwilling to be bogged down unnecessarily by others’ mistakes, so they let them go quickly and are assertive in protecting themselves from future harm."
And by all means, if you are the victim of abuse, know the laws, know your emergency numbers, and reach out for help. There are some wonderful domestic violence shelters and organizations that will help you overcome, and your future will be the better for it once you're empowered.
Here's a great link: "But he gave me flowers"
Ros Jeal describes how she is helping women stop themselves from being lured back into abusive relationships.
https://www.hgi.org.uk/resources/delve-our-extensive-library/society-and-culture/%E2%80%9C-he-gave-me-flowers%E2%80%9D
Meaningful emotional blackmail is a very good section.
burnt the house down
after beating you with fists
of untruth and innuendo ( again )
I am sorry ( again )
for accusing your innocent act
of being a derogatory intent -
I tend to make everything about myself
when paranoia gets the best -
especially when you make me angry ( again ).
But, here! Here are some flowers
to make it all better ( again )!
I offer them publicly - with an apology
in front of everyone, all our friends
so they can see how sincere I am -
they will forget my pattern
of broken peace-promises again
( and, again ),
deeming me the better man!
I promise ( yet again )
I will not repeat negativity
ever ( again ) - I promise!
I will work toward the good!
The positive! - I promise ( again ).
Just accept these flowers
despite the abuse you've endured
and we can just start all over ( again )
as though nothing ever happened -
isn't that wonderful?!
We can rebuild, together
what I deliberately destroyed ( again )
If you refuse these flowers
this public gesture of manhood-
then you're weak, small
unforgiving-
Because, you see
I said I was sorry ( again )
for additional havoc I caused
in a moment of human weakness
I openly admitted
because you won't forgive
So this is really your fault-
you see? you're human too,
despite living your life positively
and happily oblivious of me-
I watch your every move
your every word; everything
is secretly geared toward me
You think I don't know
but I do
and, I can guarantee
if you don't accept these flowers
I spent so much time picking ( again )
especially in front of everyone. . .
there will be more combustion
when I deem another innocent action
is covertly about ME
because YOU won't forgive ( again )
Here's some flowers
won't you please accept?
I promise this time
it will be different. . .( again )
~
I spent over a decade volunteering with a battered women's shelter after a four-year abusive relationship. Sometimes counseling involved both parties, and these fuckers would say or do anything publicly to get the upper hand. If you are suffering abuse, do not be lulled by public professions because of peer pressure. Allow people to think what they will, to choose sides if they want - it will prune your fields of frenemies. Those who love and care for you will stand by you because they love and care for you. Those who don't will be revealed by their choice - is this not a blessing? It's one of the highest to me.
Apologies lose their meaning when the abuser says “sorry” so often, yet the abuse does not stop. Their behaviour does not match their words. If you are experiencing any type of abuse, you always have the right to refuse an apology. You always deserve to feel safe, happy and respected in every kind of relationship. Refusing an apology does not mean you have not forgiven - because forgiveness isn't about the OTHER person, but YOURSELF. It's letting go and moving forward without allowing an abuser rent inside your head - not allowing them to occupy one single thought.
The following quote is wonderful mantra to live by"
"Emotionally intelligent people are quick to forgive, but that doesn’t mean that they forget. Forgiveness requires letting go of what’s happened so that you can move on. It doesn’t mean you’ll give a wrongdoer another chance. Successful people are unwilling to be bogged down unnecessarily by others’ mistakes, so they let them go quickly and are assertive in protecting themselves from future harm."
And by all means, if you are the victim of abuse, know the laws, know your emergency numbers, and reach out for help. There are some wonderful domestic violence shelters and organizations that will help you overcome, and your future will be the better for it once you're empowered.
Here's a great link: "But he gave me flowers"
Ros Jeal describes how she is helping women stop themselves from being lured back into abusive relationships.
https://www.hgi.org.uk/resources/delve-our-extensive-library/society-and-culture/%E2%80%9C-he-gave-me-flowers%E2%80%9D
Meaningful emotional blackmail is a very good section.
Published 23rd Sep 2019
| Edited 24th Sep 2019
Author's Note
Inspire by real life experiences.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 28
reading list entries 7
comments 54
reads 1541
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
23rd Sep 2019 4:06pm
Sob's like that are what give men a bad name. Hes not a man he's a coward boy.
23rd Sep 2019 4:55pm
Amen.........when one looks at the history of human maleness, I, for one, become ashamed of "being one"
23rd Sep 2019 6:05pm
One of the biggest red flags of an abuser is that they have no boundaries. You can tell them to leave you alone, but they don't. They shadow you, they watch everything you do and say. They constantly insert themselves into your life in whatever way they can. Mostly it's negative connotations judging something you've said or done. Any excuse to engage, to insert, they will jump at the chance. And others who love drama jump right in fanning the flames.
Seeing you happy literally kills them because they are miserable.
Seeing you happy literally kills them because they are miserable.
Anonymous
- Edited 25th Oct 2022 6:45pm
23rd Sep 2019 4:07pm
<< post removed >>
Yes; there are women abusers as well as men, Tim. And you are right about sociopathic behaviour demonstrating zero respect for boundaries. It is impossible for them to let go until they feel they have absolved themselves and regained control. And, in some cases, it costs the victim their life.
It's crazy.
It's crazy.
23rd Sep 2019 4:56pm
oh, they do love a public gesture *nods*
no crits to offer right now, still on my first cup of coffee. what i like about this is the silence of the missing voice registering [italic]around[/italic] those 'again's, with all the bluster and posturing coming from the abusive person; that small refrain, by its very repetition, proves the emptiness of all the other words - the one-sided display not even requiring the other's voice as it's not really intended to address them, it's addressing 'the audience' with every intention of manipulation.
my ex, the psycho, for all his abusive behaviour would stroll up our banjo (like a closed-off cul-de-sac) with a lovely bunch of flowers on our anniversary... ALL about the neighbours seeing HIM and promoting his image, nothing about my feelings.
no crits to offer right now, still on my first cup of coffee. what i like about this is the silence of the missing voice registering [italic]around[/italic] those 'again's, with all the bluster and posturing coming from the abusive person; that small refrain, by its very repetition, proves the emptiness of all the other words - the one-sided display not even requiring the other's voice as it's not really intended to address them, it's addressing 'the audience' with every intention of manipulation.
my ex, the psycho, for all his abusive behaviour would stroll up our banjo (like a closed-off cul-de-sac) with a lovely bunch of flowers on our anniversary... ALL about the neighbours seeing HIM and promoting his image, nothing about my feelings.
23rd Sep 2019 6:13pm
Oh yeah they do. Grand, public ones. They'll start the fire in hopes of swooping in to put it out - and those unfamiliar with the ways of abusers will think them heros. Oh look! He put out the fire! It is mind boggling. Their victims go along living their own lives, happily oblivious before all hell breaks loose ( again ). I mean what better stage for a grand gesture?
I've met all types, but only ever been targeted by two. Strong, indepenent women not afraid to speak out threaten them the most.
Curious - what did YOU do with the flowers? :D
I've met all types, but only ever been targeted by two. Strong, indepenent women not afraid to speak out threaten them the most.
Curious - what did YOU do with the flowers? :D
23rd Sep 2019 6:31pm
at the time, being such a shadow of my former self? i put them in a vase but could find little pleasure in them, already seeing them as dead. i had small children at the time, and didn't want to 'cause a scene'
it's only in looking back, when outside of the toxicity, i can see just how he made me become a thing - though that small spark of me still existed, deep down, crushed to a tiny thing. when he wasn't on the scene anymore, that grew back, burned brighter, more surely, but it took time.
it's only in looking back, when outside of the toxicity, i can see just how he made me become a thing - though that small spark of me still existed, deep down, crushed to a tiny thing. when he wasn't on the scene anymore, that grew back, burned brighter, more surely, but it took time.
23rd Sep 2019 6:37pm
It does take time - but when it happens you'll immediately recognize the pattern in other abusers, and you won't be fooled nor pressure to adhere to their demands no matter what other people think. It won't matter to you - only those who love and support you matter.
I'm happy for your full recovery - many abused women will never be able to experience that, as they didn't survive.
I'm happy for your full recovery - many abused women will never be able to experience that, as they didn't survive.
23rd Sep 2019 5:01pm
Well done you, hats off, for addressing all the small scale and large scale dominance with a smile. Warrior.
#Silencenomore
It's imperative to speak one's own truth in that no matter what happens they will have absolutely NOTHING to do with an abuser no matter what public stunt they attempt to pull.
Thank you. xo
It's imperative to speak one's own truth in that no matter what happens they will have absolutely NOTHING to do with an abuser no matter what public stunt they attempt to pull.
Thank you. xo
Anonymous
23rd Sep 2019 6:15pm
Yep. Such gestures in public are about perpetuating the notion that both parties are at fault. And when it is ignored for exactly what it is, it's off to the races with the next ploy for attention.
I say to all the fuckers, be thankful she gave you this much and quit while you are so far behind you can see up your own assholes.
❤📝
I say to all the fuckers, be thankful she gave you this much and quit while you are so far behind you can see up your own assholes.
❤📝
23rd Sep 2019 6:20pm
People can co-exist peacefully if they respect boundaries. Only when they do not respect the boundary of another person does conflict ensue.
Live and let live is virtually impossible for an abuser.
Thank you always for your love and support. ❤📝
Live and let live is virtually impossible for an abuser.
Thank you always for your love and support. ❤📝
Anonymous
- Edited 24th Sep 2019 12:51pm
24th Sep 2019 12:49pm
What's not to Love? 😊💜💋
As for support(ing you(r)) poetry, I can always get behind writing branching out into new directions. For you, this was outside the box and incredibly well written.
Powerful messages on important topics such as this can travel far and wide when given the right vehicle. Poetry is compact enough to maintain interest while efficiently delivering it.
As for support(ing you(r)) poetry, I can always get behind writing branching out into new directions. For you, this was outside the box and incredibly well written.
Powerful messages on important topics such as this can travel far and wide when given the right vehicle. Poetry is compact enough to maintain interest while efficiently delivering it.
24th Sep 2019 1:36pm
Yes; it is. or that is my hope - that women do not feel alone nor pressured into accepting something that is not genuine, because the pattern will not only continue, it will become worse.
😊💜💋
😊💜💋
23rd Sep 2019 8:42pm
Oh my friend your heart is so big...
Beautiful, n empowering message here... 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾✌🏾😊
Beautiful, n empowering message here... 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾✌🏾😊
25th Sep 2019 3:01pm
23rd Sep 2019 9:08pm
Depicted well.... Sorry doesn't change or take back anything especially when it is said over and over again showing nothing has changed...
~BSavvy
~BSavvy
23rd Sep 2019 10:03pm
No, it doesn't, Savvy. Just baseless words that bring no change. All one has to do is wait and see. . .
23rd Sep 2019 9:21pm
I have been helping others heal from trauma for nearly 30 yrs. Sadly it isnt getting better, however, we are more open to reaching out to victims and are starting to talk about it more . Absolutely the best writing that you have presented Ahvanti .
luv's
buddhakitty.
luv's
buddhakitty.
It is so pitiful isn't it, Kitts? How broken and beaten some are - particularly the children. I was there once. Once. And when I fought my way back I swore never again. I don't give a shit what they publicly pull, or what anyone thinks of me ( particularly those who don't know the whole truth, and are thus simply seeking drama and attention ).
All I care about are people, such as you, who love and nurture one another. Whose passion is poetry and desire is to live and let live so long as no one is being harmed.
Thank you. xo
All I care about are people, such as you, who love and nurture one another. Whose passion is poetry and desire is to live and let live so long as no one is being harmed.
Thank you. xo
23rd Sep 2019 10:29pm
Anonymous
- Edited 21st Oct 2019 5:45am
23rd Sep 2019 10:57pm
<< post removed >>
23rd Sep 2019 11:03pm
It's a game to them, HF. They typically end up old and alone, miserably blaming everyone else for their misfortunes - reaping no less than they've sown. Or, deserve, imho.
Were but all gentlemen ( and great poets ) such as yourself, HF. This world would certainly be a better and more peaceful place.
Thank you.
Were but all gentlemen ( and great poets ) such as yourself, HF. This world would certainly be a better and more peaceful place.
Thank you.
Anonymous
- Edited 21st Oct 2019 5:45am
23rd Sep 2019 11:07pm
<< post removed >>
23rd Sep 2019 11:08pm
24th Sep 2019 00:08am
I naturally gravitate towards poems that incorporate nature, and I believe flowers are here to be used in poetry. My question from this, even if you accept those flowers, will they be kept alive? (Perhaps a silly question but one that stirred in me)
- Fairy
- Fairy
24th Sep 2019 00:29am
"Timeo Danaos et dona ferentes"
No; they have not nor will be accepted because they're not genuine.
And, btw, everyone who knows me would know to never get me flowers unless they were bulbs I could plant. . .
No; they have not nor will be accepted because they're not genuine.
And, btw, everyone who knows me would know to never get me flowers unless they were bulbs I could plant. . .
Anonymous
- Edited 22nd Feb 2020 6:45am
24th Sep 2019 8:54am
<< post removed >>
24th Sep 2019 1:25pm
Rose I hate to hear you are enduring this here - I do hope you will contact a Moderator - while their support is limited, i.e. - the perpetrator has to violate guidelines, they can still be somewhat of a support and keep their eyes open ( something they can't do if they don't know ).
People who stalk are seriously fucked in some kind of control warp, but they do mess up in their own anger and go overboard to appease their control issues.
Thank you for your support, my friend. I do hope things around here improve for you. You are such a positive influence. xo
People who stalk are seriously fucked in some kind of control warp, but they do mess up in their own anger and go overboard to appease their control issues.
Thank you for your support, my friend. I do hope things around here improve for you. You are such a positive influence. xo
At first, the repeated use of "again" jarred a little. But as I progressed through the poem, then a second time, I could see that the use of repetition of this word was extremely effective. Emphasising the repetitiveness of the apologies. And with each repetition, the impact is less ... eventually losing meaning, as the mind gives only a token recognition of the repetition.
I also liked the fact that the poem really was all about "the other", the one apologising. All about that person, a kind of self-indulgent monologue, whilst passively issuing threats and side-swipes at the person that they are apologising to.
It's extremely effective in its structure.
One small observation ....
In the lines
But, here! Here are some flowers
to make it all better ( again )!
I'll offer them publicly - with an apology
in front of everyone, all our friends
Perhaps "I offer them publicity ..." or maybe "Offered publicly...". I suggest this because the flowers are being offered now, and presumably publicly. Therefore using "I will ..." (albeit condensed into I'll ...) seems contradictory and weakens the image.
With the final lines
I promise this time
it will be different. . .( again )
I was going to suggest the inclusion of something to suggest that the apologiser perhaps feels sincere at the time of the apology ... to offer a glimmer of hope, that perhaps this time it will be different. But then I decided that this was the point of the poem. The abused might think ... "perhaps this time" ... but the abuser, even if they're totally sincere at the time, soon forgets. And the apology, even if it has a smear of sincerity is formulaic, mechanical ... and as the poem shows, all about them. They might well believe that this time it will be different ... but in all likelihood, it won't be. I guess that this is the cycle of abuse. So I changed my mind and decided not to suggest such an inclusion.
Like the flowers given, any such promise almost certainly soon rots.
Kind regards, SeaCat
I also liked the fact that the poem really was all about "the other", the one apologising. All about that person, a kind of self-indulgent monologue, whilst passively issuing threats and side-swipes at the person that they are apologising to.
It's extremely effective in its structure.
One small observation ....
In the lines
But, here! Here are some flowers
to make it all better ( again )!
I'll offer them publicly - with an apology
in front of everyone, all our friends
Perhaps "I offer them publicity ..." or maybe "Offered publicly...". I suggest this because the flowers are being offered now, and presumably publicly. Therefore using "I will ..." (albeit condensed into I'll ...) seems contradictory and weakens the image.
With the final lines
I promise this time
it will be different. . .( again )
I was going to suggest the inclusion of something to suggest that the apologiser perhaps feels sincere at the time of the apology ... to offer a glimmer of hope, that perhaps this time it will be different. But then I decided that this was the point of the poem. The abused might think ... "perhaps this time" ... but the abuser, even if they're totally sincere at the time, soon forgets. And the apology, even if it has a smear of sincerity is formulaic, mechanical ... and as the poem shows, all about them. They might well believe that this time it will be different ... but in all likelihood, it won't be. I guess that this is the cycle of abuse. So I changed my mind and decided not to suggest such an inclusion.
Like the flowers given, any such promise almost certainly soon rots.
Kind regards, SeaCat
24th Sep 2019 1:33pm
Hi, SeaCat,
Yeah, I really don't like repetition; however, in this context it works solidly to enhance how many times this bullshit has happened.
My father is the one who taught me to test these types of people for their sincerity because they're like immature teenagers. They tell you what you want to hear just so they can get their way, i.e. - restriction lifted, go to the party, whatever. If they are sincere with their apology, then they accept your 'No, you still can't go to the party and you're still grounded' because they know that they deserve it. However, if they were insincere, they will pitch a tantrum, slam doors, scream 'I hate you!' or even go so far as to threaten to hurt themselves or commit suicide all because they didn't get their way. And it will be 'ALL YOUR FAULT' ( again )!
Same principle here. Only time reveals someone who is genuine; not words.
Thank you muchly for the suggestion. It does work better and I have made the edit. Always appreciate the sharp eye, my friend.
Yeah, I really don't like repetition; however, in this context it works solidly to enhance how many times this bullshit has happened.
My father is the one who taught me to test these types of people for their sincerity because they're like immature teenagers. They tell you what you want to hear just so they can get their way, i.e. - restriction lifted, go to the party, whatever. If they are sincere with their apology, then they accept your 'No, you still can't go to the party and you're still grounded' because they know that they deserve it. However, if they were insincere, they will pitch a tantrum, slam doors, scream 'I hate you!' or even go so far as to threaten to hurt themselves or commit suicide all because they didn't get their way. And it will be 'ALL YOUR FAULT' ( again )!
Same principle here. Only time reveals someone who is genuine; not words.
Thank you muchly for the suggestion. It does work better and I have made the edit. Always appreciate the sharp eye, my friend.
24th Sep 2019 2:05pm
Thank you, Billy. Much appreciated. It really is important to stand up to bullies for what they are: cowardly control freaks.
This has helped a few, myself included ( cathartic ), so it was definitely worth it.
This has helped a few, myself included ( cathartic ), so it was definitely worth it.
Bullies, sociopaths, and narcissists absolutely DO twist things about to play the victim. And it can work both ways; however, the determining factor here is boundaries. Who can respect another person's space and who cannot. Who shadows who and who attempts to engage discord.
They will also claim that it is impossible for a narcissist to make an apology - which is the furthest thing from the truth. A narcissist uses and apology as an illusion:
https://pro.psychcentral.com/recovery-expert/2017/02/when-a-narcissist-makes-an-apology/
"You see, the apology is all part of the narcissistic “game.” Things are hot and cold or good and bad within a relationship with a personality disordered person. An apology is part of the illusion of “good” in the relationship. You get hooked in with the emotions of hopefulness and relief when your narcissist apologizes to you. This hope is something that you need because prior to the apology you were hurt and shut out."
That is just a tiny excerpt. ^ But, yeah . . . it's a blessing to be formally educated in their ways so you can see right through them and attempt to avoid them like the plague. But, more importantly, help other victims as well. It would be nice if they could avoid me too. :D
They will also claim that it is impossible for a narcissist to make an apology - which is the furthest thing from the truth. A narcissist uses and apology as an illusion:
https://pro.psychcentral.com/recovery-expert/2017/02/when-a-narcissist-makes-an-apology/
"You see, the apology is all part of the narcissistic “game.” Things are hot and cold or good and bad within a relationship with a personality disordered person. An apology is part of the illusion of “good” in the relationship. You get hooked in with the emotions of hopefulness and relief when your narcissist apologizes to you. This hope is something that you need because prior to the apology you were hurt and shut out."
That is just a tiny excerpt. ^ But, yeah . . . it's a blessing to be formally educated in their ways so you can see right through them and attempt to avoid them like the plague. But, more importantly, help other victims as well. It would be nice if they could avoid me too. :D
Yes - ignoring and avoiding is tantamount when dealing with a narcissist, sociopath, or bully. UNTIL it becomes impossible to remain silent because the bully will not leave you alone, and inserts himself in your life at every opportunity. There comes a time to put your foot down and shove it back down their throat. That time is when they cross the line ( for the hundredth time ) into YOUR territory. YOUR sacred space.
You* want us to remain silent? Then leave us alone like we've asked, notified, and demanded that you to do. Is that really so difficult to do? Think what a peaceful world it would be if everyone could honor another's request to live their life how they choose.
*You is not literal but general here.
You* want us to remain silent? Then leave us alone like we've asked, notified, and demanded that you to do. Is that really so difficult to do? Think what a peaceful world it would be if everyone could honor another's request to live their life how they choose.
*You is not literal but general here.
Billy, I am not the least bit angry. I am curious ( and matter-of-fact ), that is all. That is why I was sure to mark the 'You' as general, not literal.
24th Sep 2019 2:05pm
this is why i do not accept flowers... they wilt in the vase while i will be partially deaf & blind and barren for however long i have to live.
#aminext has been trending here at home after a very sudden and disturbing increase in the rape and murder of women and young girls.
there is too much of this still happening
thank you for writing this
xo
#aminext has been trending here at home after a very sudden and disturbing increase in the rape and murder of women and young girls.
there is too much of this still happening
thank you for writing this
xo
God I hate to hear that, Katja. It's a sad society where women and young girls have to live looking over their shoulder. I don't know what the answer is - you can't help someone nor heal someone who doesn't think anything is wrong with their own behaviour. Someone who continually makes excuses stemming from childhood, a bad relationship, abuse, whatever. Damn, if you KNOW the source of your behaviour get fucking professional help.
I know so many who have overcome such great odds from horrendous childhood abuse - and yet they do not act in a disparaging way. On the contrary, they are the kindest, most compassionate people I know. They realize their past experiences do not give them an excuse to treat others as they please.
Thank you for reading and RL'ing. xo
I know so many who have overcome such great odds from horrendous childhood abuse - and yet they do not act in a disparaging way. On the contrary, they are the kindest, most compassionate people I know. They realize their past experiences do not give them an excuse to treat others as they please.
Thank you for reading and RL'ing. xo
24th Sep 2019 2:37pm
"I know so many who have overcome such great odds from horrendous childhood abuse - and yet they do not act in a disparaging way. "
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
holy fuckballs,yes!
that's an excuse that's enough to make me want to puke into my cleavage... i was sexually abused for more than a decade during my childhood and NEVER had it crossed my mind to EVER inflict my emotional pain on those around me.
for most survivors of childhood trauma, it's about breaking the cycle but a bad egg is a bad egg and i think survival for them is just an excuse to vent their sociopathy.
assholes, bloody assholes everywhere
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
holy fuckballs,yes!
that's an excuse that's enough to make me want to puke into my cleavage... i was sexually abused for more than a decade during my childhood and NEVER had it crossed my mind to EVER inflict my emotional pain on those around me.
for most survivors of childhood trauma, it's about breaking the cycle but a bad egg is a bad egg and i think survival for them is just an excuse to vent their sociopathy.
assholes, bloody assholes everywhere
24th Sep 2019 2:42pm
for most survivors of childhood trauma, it's about breaking the cycle but a bad egg is a bad egg and i think survival for them is just an excuse to vent their sociopathy.
assholes, bloody assholes everywhere
Golden. Maybe this asshole will get the damn help he needs and stop blaming everyone else for the adult misfortunes brought upon by his own actions.
As a child we don't have a choice - but when we grow the fuck up we do. Thank you, Katja. You're definitely one of the kindest most caring individuals I've known in my tenure here. I do hope it gets better where you are, and some type of safety and security are established. xo
assholes, bloody assholes everywhere
Golden. Maybe this asshole will get the damn help he needs and stop blaming everyone else for the adult misfortunes brought upon by his own actions.
As a child we don't have a choice - but when we grow the fuck up we do. Thank you, Katja. You're definitely one of the kindest most caring individuals I've known in my tenure here. I do hope it gets better where you are, and some type of safety and security are established. xo
26th Sep 2019 2:34am
You're a wonderful soul for volunteering your time. There is much discussion on the subject (and on this thread) but once the apology uses the word "BUT" in their apology, it negates it. You've written something that is so true. It feels sarcastic as if flowers will make erase hurt (physical and emotional). I've been watching several documents and the lies that men spew are totally unbelievable "I've never touched her, I've never hurt another human being", and I'm like "Then why are you in this documentary motherfucker?"
A-holes like R. Kelly, O.J., Bobbit, deserve what's coming to them. They are the low-lives of society hurting women and getting away with it.
I'm just waiting on karma to do it's thang.
Sorry, your poem stirred me up a bit.
A-holes like R. Kelly, O.J., Bobbit, deserve what's coming to them. They are the low-lives of society hurting women and getting away with it.
I'm just waiting on karma to do it's thang.
Sorry, your poem stirred me up a bit.
Indeed, Wally. Or, the "apology" is prefaced with a BS critical observation of those being apologized too. An apology is an unreserved expression of sorrow regarding one's own actions without criticism or blame toward the party being apologized to. If one prefaces an apology with such, or, as you have put it, used "but" - they are excusing themselves for their own behaviour by saying you were the reason for it. If YOU didn't do ( something they perceived wrong ) THEY wouldn't have done/said what they did. In essence, it's YOUR fault - but, wait, there's a better way! MY WAY, MINE MINE MINE MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME.
Also ( as explained above ) a Narcissist/sociopath uses apologies as part of a game ( public or private ) to shame their victim into accepting it - and, in essence, admitting they were the reason/cause/fault for the entire incident.
God, women ( and men ) please educate yourself regarding the red flags of narcissism/sociopathy - this education is GOLDEN in recognizing and avoiding toxic individuals who are no more than energy vampires playing on people's emotions and pity to fuel their dramatic natures.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/5-types-people-who-can-ruin-your-life/201808/3-steps-identifying-narcissist
Victim Words and Targets of Blame are particularly interesting. Narcissists continually play the victim and are highly confrontational individuals because they require drama to fuel them. This means they go off on long rants across social media, etc. defending themselves while painting the true victims as villains. Pay attention to the actions - the long and repetitive rants designed to garner sympathy because of what they endured as a child, or their current situation, etc.
Educate. Educate. Educate. And don't fail to educate others as well.
Thank you, Wally!
Also ( as explained above ) a Narcissist/sociopath uses apologies as part of a game ( public or private ) to shame their victim into accepting it - and, in essence, admitting they were the reason/cause/fault for the entire incident.
God, women ( and men ) please educate yourself regarding the red flags of narcissism/sociopathy - this education is GOLDEN in recognizing and avoiding toxic individuals who are no more than energy vampires playing on people's emotions and pity to fuel their dramatic natures.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/5-types-people-who-can-ruin-your-life/201808/3-steps-identifying-narcissist
Victim Words and Targets of Blame are particularly interesting. Narcissists continually play the victim and are highly confrontational individuals because they require drama to fuel them. This means they go off on long rants across social media, etc. defending themselves while painting the true victims as villains. Pay attention to the actions - the long and repetitive rants designed to garner sympathy because of what they endured as a child, or their current situation, etc.
Educate. Educate. Educate. And don't fail to educate others as well.
Thank you, Wally!
There is no excuse for anyone to bully anyone is what it ultimately boils down to in the end, my friend. :-)
LOL @ you editing your posts! I'm leaving mine as is, my friend.
Billy, we all to a degree have certain traits; however, what separates a sociopath or narcissist from a normal person with similar characteristics is that they can't seem to help themselves when it comes to interfering in the lives of others, despite being told to leave them alone. In essence, they are oblivious to boundaries, and feel entitled to do as they damn well please.
I am sorry, but despair is no excuse for stalking or harassment. I don't care how deep it is. Those who can't control their emotions need professional help to guide them into focusing on their own lives and accepting they cannot control, manipulate, nor destroy other people's lives with their issues.
Would you say the same thing about a rapist or a murderer? Do we not all have some characteristics of those as well? Do we not eye what we think is beautiful? Would we not like to sleep with certain people? Do we not become so angry at times we could kill someone? The difference is, that we don't. We can control our urges because why? We realize it's wrong to manifest our emotions physically into the life of another person against their will.
The sociopath/narcissist cannot control his emotions, particularly when in a narcissistic rage because they feel their self-esteem/worth is threatened or injured by another person or an event. When in actuality, they brought it upon themselves by virtue of their own actions.
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/narcissistic-rage
Billy, we all to a degree have certain traits; however, what separates a sociopath or narcissist from a normal person with similar characteristics is that they can't seem to help themselves when it comes to interfering in the lives of others, despite being told to leave them alone. In essence, they are oblivious to boundaries, and feel entitled to do as they damn well please.
I am sorry, but despair is no excuse for stalking or harassment. I don't care how deep it is. Those who can't control their emotions need professional help to guide them into focusing on their own lives and accepting they cannot control, manipulate, nor destroy other people's lives with their issues.
Would you say the same thing about a rapist or a murderer? Do we not all have some characteristics of those as well? Do we not eye what we think is beautiful? Would we not like to sleep with certain people? Do we not become so angry at times we could kill someone? The difference is, that we don't. We can control our urges because why? We realize it's wrong to manifest our emotions physically into the life of another person against their will.
The sociopath/narcissist cannot control his emotions, particularly when in a narcissistic rage because they feel their self-esteem/worth is threatened or injured by another person or an event. When in actuality, they brought it upon themselves by virtue of their own actions.
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/narcissistic-rage
2nd Oct 2019 3:24pm
Sickening to think there are jerks like that who make their partner's lives a misery - or a living hell - after first seducing them with consummate charm. They are obviously bullies and cowards, as well as being control freaks.
A poetic tour de force, on a major topic! If your poem and your advice helps just one poor victim it is worthwhile for that alone. On an artistic level: Very well put together, and powerfully presented!
A poetic tour de force, on a major topic! If your poem and your advice helps just one poor victim it is worthwhile for that alone. On an artistic level: Very well put together, and powerfully presented!
2nd Oct 2019 3:32pm
Thank you, Robert. I appreciate your observations and opinions.
Unfortunately, this wasn't even a partner! This was a miserable man bullying on a poetry website, stalking on and offsite. He eventually became too confidently cocky, pushed too far, and got his just reward - a part of it, anyway. . .I'm sure after all the hell he's caused to so many women ( at least three I know of ) there is more coming.
Again, thank you.
Unfortunately, this wasn't even a partner! This was a miserable man bullying on a poetry website, stalking on and offsite. He eventually became too confidently cocky, pushed too far, and got his just reward - a part of it, anyway. . .I'm sure after all the hell he's caused to so many women ( at least three I know of ) there is more coming.
Again, thank you.
19th Oct 2019 00:29am
Your use of voice here is really excellent. You’ve turned the phenomenon into a character. There’s such an arc to what is being said. It’s hard to read in terms of its subject matter, but I love it.
19th Oct 2019 00:49am
Thank you, Harry. I definitely meant to turn a cowardly bully into a comical character - I am happy you caught the facetious nature of this broken record. :D
19th May 2020 11:57pm
I once met a narcissist in facebook. He was so full of himself. At first he was nice but as time went on his traits manifested. His need for control and to be always right was very obvious and he enjoys bullying girls. I was victimized by him but I fought back in the end his character was uncovered. Weak girls are his target. He enjoyed the attention and he loved to debate to show how good he was. He was a poet and quite intelligent but his identity was dubious.
20th May 2020 1:14am
I'm sorry you had to experience that, Summer. Some people aren't mentally balanced and believe they're "just fine", thus need no help.
I'm glad you fought back and outed his ass. He deserved it.
I'm glad you fought back and outed his ass. He deserved it.
