I'll kill myself first

When I sleep reality subsides and I get a new perspective on death
I get to see what it's like to be the one that realizes how much better it feels to die, rather than feel the pain and torture of life
When I find myself lying in a pool of blood, I realize then that it was you that I truly loved.
When I die in my dreams, I can still wake up
The only bad part about that is that I can still feel the pain of actually loving you; Actually letting you breathe my tainted air

Its not easy letting one hold my heart
 The easy part is letting them hold it after its been ripped out
Then they can feel my pain, smell my sorrow, listen to the tears that were to afraid to fall  They can taste the blood that had been touched one to many times

When it's in ones hands I want him to see why I was so afraid to let him in
When he holds my heart he can see what I was to afraid to tell him
My tears could show him too
They say the eyes are the window to the soul
He can't even seen mine
Terror masks it over 

Why? Because around him I feel less insecure
I feel more valuable than the one that was supposed to protect me made me feel
Around him I'm not afraid to show vulnerability because I know he won't take advantage of it

When I wake from my dream I realize how bad I want to die
I can see why it would be much easier to unchain the blood that is trapped just like me
I suppose that should make you happy;I hope it does
I'll kill myself before death gets the satisfaction