An Epic Feat II - The Sequel "Thought From A Legless Bard"

 

I find it difficult to stomp on anything

I can only stamp when posting a letter

My feet never touch the ground

I can’t hitchhike unless I have a tow rope

Perambulation would definitely involve the use of a large pram

At times I feel the need to take steps

I don’t do stairs but I do, do stares

My gait has rusted shut

I cannot tramp through the woods, but I am a tramp in the woods

Even caged animals get to pace up and down

I really wish I could stretch my legs

My stumps are haunted, phantom pains in evidence

I tried the high jump, only managed to head-butt the pole

I have empathy and understanding for French frogs

How many of me does it take to change a light bulb - None I can’t reach!

As a gangster, I am a wheelman

Other people scuttle, I glide like a ballerina

Being a man of principle have been known to take a stand

When suffering adversity it is impossible for me to get back on my feet

I rise up, but strangely on my butt cheeks

I am not walking on sunshine

Still I can never get trench foot or foot and mouth disease

It is insensitive to tall me to hop it

I go out, I don’t step out

The only tread I leave is a rubber tyre one

I could be a good burglar - no footprints left at the scene

Sure, but all means ask me up to dance, just don’t expect me to quick step

My least favourite month of the year is March

My least favourite season is spring

In my mind, I skip through meadows like an eight-year-old

I don’t gambol but I do gamble

I can only acid trip

I never stagger when I am drunk but I have been known to collide or crash

I even get turned down for servant job vacancies - I wanted to be a footman

The only thing I can kick is the bucket (Oh yeah and bad habits)

I can guarantee I will not trample you underfoot

I am not "Walking Back to Happiness", wompa. Oh yeah

Why is there a stairway to heaven and not a ramp?

I could still use an escalator, defined as a loose cannon or trouble maker

I am not counted as a retail customer because they count footfall

I can’t track people if they use the stairs

It is essential that I grip my joystick in public

I never "Tiptoe Through the Tulips"

It is not good to see me in pain and say "Just Walk it off!"

I used to be a tap dancer I just can get shoes that would fit

It is impossible for me to trip the light fantastic

I hate leap years

I sit down to samba

I never lose my balance or my footing

I never get accused of shuffling my feet, but I can do cards in a casino

I used to have a limp but it miraculously got cured

I don’t hobble but I can wobble or bobble

I am currently giving my feet a rest

I used to be a model on the catwalk

With R & B I am kicking it

Take three paces to the left. "Fuck off"