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deepundergroundpoetry.com
Rockets
Rockets explode once again in my head
your legs wrapped around
us naked in bed
no night time skies
or stars to explore
we're lighting the fuse
and not shutting the door
the show lasts for hours
sparks surely seen
the music crescendos
a finalè between
two passioned lovers
if only one night
come, get closer
as I take one more bite
your legs wrapped around
us naked in bed
no night time skies
or stars to explore
we're lighting the fuse
and not shutting the door
the show lasts for hours
sparks surely seen
the music crescendos
a finalè between
two passioned lovers
if only one night
come, get closer
as I take one more bite
Published 4th Jul 2019
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likes 9
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comments 17
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Anonymous
4th Jul 2019 2:15pm
Hey Tim nice tight write, but I think you could clip your last two stanzas, leave it there lingering at not shutting the door, the suspensions of disbelief kind of breaks after that and becomes more tell than show for me
But your metre and rhythm are on point I wish I could write like that but it just doesn’t work for me
But your metre and rhythm are on point I wish I could write like that but it just doesn’t work for me
5th Jul 2019 3:32pm
4th Jul 2019 2:15pm
Sounds like liberation to me! I particularly enjoyed the second stanza! One does not light a candle and put it under a bushel! Let it shine for all to see!
Happy Independence Day, Tim!
Happy Independence Day, Tim!
5th Jul 2019 3:32pm
4th Jul 2019 3:02pm
Contrarily, I think the flow is too good to clip. Not that I know much haha, but good write, Tim!
5th Jul 2019 3:33pm
Anonymous
4th Jul 2019 3:52pm
Lighting a few of your own fireworks, I see. Blind 'em with the glow! Big smiles for this one. :-)
5th Jul 2019 3:33pm
4th Jul 2019 4:43pm
5th Jul 2019 3:34pm
4th Jul 2019 6:36pm
5th Jul 2019 3:34pm
4th Jul 2019 8:13pm
Great way to make the holiday explosive! Indoors and out! Makes one want to wear patriotic panties, LOL!
-M
-M
5th Jul 2019 3:35pm
4th Jul 2019 11:23pm
5th Jul 2019 3:35pm
5th Jul 2019 8:27pm
Rockets r not fired indoors the are exploded outdoors who the fux fired that rocket who else but nuts no ifs and buttts
