Myself, The Silence and The Deep

So, you want to know the how and why
of my relationship with the Deep
Two options: the PC answer or
soul-searched, searing honesty
 
I think since it’s poet to poet
option number two is how I’ll go
 
About twelve years ago, give or take  
was the start of The Silence
The Silence stole the voices of my soul
that created song and poetry within
 
So many events happened, the start
was the death of a dear, cherished friend.
She was a genius, an artist, a scientist of life
Family reputation and societal stifling of spirit
drove her to an illness that killed her  
Her family mourned her, and the poem
I wrote to celebrate her life was the very last one
before The Silence murdered all my words away
 
The Silence haunted me every moment of the day
my dreams were filled with song and verse
I could never remember, my soul could never forget
A strange taste in the mouth, a tune I couldn’t recall
I knew the muses were there, screaming but muted
 
Thirteen struggling years of marriage
with seven major life-changing surgeries
moving house four times, New York to New Jersey
four children with special needs and two miscarriages
seventy hour work weeks for years on end  
increased amounts of psychiatric medication as well as
a week and a half hospitalization so I didn’t kill myself  
only encouraged, enabling The Silence.
I was certain my muses were gone forever.  
 
Listening to Panic!AtTheDisco obsessively
for months on end, I saw colors in the melodies
I felt the music on my skin like a wild summer storm
The lyrics, like incantations to banish The Silence
broke the barriers between me and my muses
The words came back, first hesitant to come out
unable, unwilling to stay locked away any longer
 
Emotion vs Logic took three months to write
After, I could not be stopped, writing until I dropped
I woke to write, I slept to wake up and write more
Barely eating, living on ink spills, coffee, words, meter
 
When I was certain the words and the music  
had truly come back to stay I came to see
I needed a poet's community, like I had years ago
before The Silence took my words and music away
So I went to AllPoetry, and I wasn’t happy there
I then heard of the Deep, and now I am here.