deepundergroundpoetry.com
Times when I just sit and wait
Times when I just sit and wait
times, when you just wait for me.
For every lie I told, I paid.
Now that I am gone, I see.
A light has shown the way.
There are things we never reach.
Go straight, do not sway,
believe in god and preach.
Show me that you love me too.
Let me see your inner light.
I do what I always do.
Everything will be alright.
As your lips and mine will touch,
as we die of too much us,
as we kill the pain inside,
as we die of fright.
times, when you just wait for me.
For every lie I told, I paid.
Now that I am gone, I see.
A light has shown the way.
There are things we never reach.
Go straight, do not sway,
believe in god and preach.
Show me that you love me too.
Let me see your inner light.
I do what I always do.
Everything will be alright.
As your lips and mine will touch,
as we die of too much us,
as we kill the pain inside,
as we die of fright.
Published 7th Dec 2011
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 1
reading list entries 0
comments 2
reads 669
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
19th Mar 2012 9:43pm
This poem is good but somehow I get the feeling you can do better. It is nice and well written but does not pack a punch except for the last sentence...AS WE DIE OF FRIGHT...so you have the potential to do much better. As this was written on Dec 7 and I am reading in on March 20...you may have already gotten significantly better. I am so sorry that this is the first comment/feedback you have received...
Keep on writing
Kitty
Keep on writing
Kitty
Thank you very much. That's the first time someone wrote a comment this long and helpful :D
I also had the feeling that there was room for improvements, but I simply could not find anything to make it better. Everything I tried made it worse. I always try to have a clear picture before I write something, but with some poems (e.g this one) I just have blurred vision. But I try to improve with every poem I write. If I can think of an improvement, I'll rewrite it.
Thank you for your encouragement :)
I also had the feeling that there was room for improvements, but I simply could not find anything to make it better. Everything I tried made it worse. I always try to have a clear picture before I write something, but with some poems (e.g this one) I just have blurred vision. But I try to improve with every poem I write. If I can think of an improvement, I'll rewrite it.
Thank you for your encouragement :)
