Mind Fuck

Off to the nether to sever everything between now and never, floating, not knowing whether I can wheather this wheather or if I'll pull it together and tether my soul with these clever letters to now and forever, a dedication to getting better.  

All the mistakes I've made, just foundations laid, the dues I've paid. Though painful I would not trade or let the memories fade of all those days that made this man of clay, that come what may will make his way, standing until his final days, knowing full well the danger of the games he plays, against the risk of getting lost in this endless maze and losing his mind to rot and decay.  
 
I've seen it all before, stumble out the door, fall face first to the floor, and when   I'm sure that I can't take much more I begin to question what the fuck I'm living for, as I'm just an empty core with nothing left but my own darkness to explore, and though an empty mind is a dredful bore, it is salvation from this place and the insanity in store, lost in an emotional wasteland from all these internal wars, conflict leaving my mind sick with madness forever more. It's now all I can do to implore, down on my knees on bloody shores, let mercy be swift and I'll suffer no more.  
 
But there is never an answer back, just an empty reminder of all that I lack, the soul I lost in my devil's pact, confronting me with the fact, that what mind I have left is deeply cracked.  
I know I'm a mess, I know  I lost track, still dazed from the impact, pulse flat, leaving me no time to react, I'm just frozen watching time lapse, thinking that perhaps if I keep trying I'll escape these mind traps.  
 
But then the pendelum swings and I can hear the sweet song it's string sings, a familiar faint ring brought upon angels wings, taking me back to my place as king where I am more Keen to risk it all for the reward it might bring, untold treasures, indescribable things, a future worth more than all the pain and moments I've felt insane, traversing impossible mental terrain.  
Far above where I thought I'd break beneath the strain of a life lived in vain, just trying to maintain against the suffering ingrained upon my heart dark stained by the enemy, my brain,  leaving no one but myself to blame. But I digress, it's just a game, the players always the same, pale riders with no names. There are many ways to play, but it always ends the same, you return to the dust from which you came. So you can either hold your head in shame or break the chains that binds your soul to pain.  
 
Even then it doesn't matter, mindful thoughts will be drowned out by mindless chatter, peace again shattered by the  endless clatter of the mad hatter's tea time chatter as he serves poison upon his golden platters. And though I know it's toxic, the effort still flatters even as it leaves what's left of me in tatters in the same abyss I started desperately looking for non-existent ladders.