Sundowner

( after Sharon Olds )    


The days have been passing by    
endless, or so it seems to me.    
I have all the time in the world,    
but not for myself. As one’s powers    
ebb and slow to a sluggish creep,    
until I discover a curious    
self-satisfaction of autonomy:    
not obligated to givIng reasons    
for those who expect answers to    
placate a guilty conscience    
when it’s my business.    
Like one’s mother, who has now    
taken what seems is a final turn.    
Not able to walk. In a special bed    
with in-home care. Her face    
pinched, closed, in a scowl    
from all the pain she has in spite    
the morphine drips.    
Pastey, with a fierceness in light    
of her body’s sagging resignation.    
Even having lost all appetite,    
as I have but on a far lesser scale.    
Her bed is close to the window;    
she faces away, not noticing the    
intense flashing she hates    
of the sundowners    
as the end approaches, having    
claimed her own autonomy.    
   
   
   
#SharonOlds