Fading

What a gripping and sad spill of ink. This goes deep, and it can certainly be felt.
Very well written!

Delanee.

Thank you for kind comment and the appreciation of my poem,

Sometimes it’s tiring walking against the tide, thanks for kind comment and for appreciating my poem

I know you tag this as autistic but it's highly, highly relatable regardless. I was blown away reading it. You captured exactly what I've felt most of my life.

Autism is perceived as a huge difference from normal, but we feel we love we are tormented, so when I write these poems from an autistic view ‘ the view is not that far removed from non autistic people what we call neurotypical

I agree with that

I adore you dear poet. You have strengths in which are inspired by your battles. Please don't burn the words inside your head. You bring that gift of knowledge with all you are. And that is respected.

Incomplete messages       
Scrambled meanings       
Graffiti hieroglyphics       
          
There are powerful images in these three lines, each one capable of evoking multiple trains of thought upon all that I have chased my entire life.       
      
Social clues and cues. Perceptions of perceptions; that which is perceived, being perceived perceiving that they are perceived, and yet it not being perceived by the perceiver that they are wrongly perceiving that which they perceive.       
      
Gender dysphoria is often like that. What's wrong with my body language, where I place my eyes, where my center is? Who am I tuning into, and why? Who is tuning into me? Why is all this shit so unfair? Why is that guy calling me an asshole? And then, when am I the one who is wrongly believing my own perceptions of others?       
      
My worst is when it's like, Oh shit, i fucked up – I thought they were acting like assholes but it was me that was perceiving wrongly and only then did they detect my stiffness and zero in on that. [mad] And then it's, determine that Im the wrongest one always and pendulum swings there, and circles within circles, and mental traps, which are always everywhere to begin with anyway, just as we move our way through life let alone without generating more of them inside our heads over little things about momentary encounters, and the cycle is a cycle and the cycle cycles while we try to hold on and not give into despair.      
      
But on the other hand the abject shit from, and in the minds of, so many others is Everywhere. It's So hard not to step in it.