"Infection"

A red script in front of my face,
Every place I think is safe is no more.
Gold eyes shimmer at me through a glass,
But I know the glass is cracking in my hand.
Your head hangs lowly creating a silence,
But you know flowers bloom from under the wound.
In my head I see you on the strings I scratch as a lullaby,
Droplets of copper dew on the lines of my stomach.
The heart is creating violence but I must not cry,
To cry is to be weak and it's in my air.
Metal of mine close to my skin,
Beginning the tearing of a wet plastic wrap.
I like watching myself fall and I can't help it,
Such a selfish daughter yet I wrote the words to this.
I meant what I said but of course I regret it,
I'm selling off my mind to the wound of heart.
A dark piano key turns ugly to me--all I see is your touch,
Smiling at me from the other side of the bed.
Heat from the arm around me but maybe,
I should've been the one holding you.
Sheep pretending to be a wolf so you won't leave,
Then the doll broke and my mask shattered.
Falling slowly as time won't go back,
Won't let me tell you that I've changed and I Iove you.
We dont have any voice anymore,
Singing silently to a polished metal strip.
Gave you my all I did and I dreamed you left me,
For someone else and you cried your brown eyes out.
Funny thing all I dreamed was true,
Let me fall asleep tonight so I can wake up again,
Numb and too cold to be dead.
I had faith in you but I guess I should've known,
I forgot to love you like I should.
Pillows of leaves crowd a dusty mind and crumbled heart,
Autumn makes a nightwalker sea sick.
Gave it my all but it wasn't enough,
It's never enough.
Lying where you don't expect I see the fog rolling,
Cry out to the passing ship but no one calls.
Rain pelts the wood that creaks under some withered boots,
No one can tell the tears from rain.
A bed of plastic and teeth rests under a girls metal frame,
Poking into already dented in skin.
Layer by layer she peels away flesh and guilt and hate,
Wiping oil away with each ten years of time.
The last time that we kissed was a goodbye,
And no one said hello again.
Just because it was my decision doesn't mean that I'm content,
Give me the bottle and see me deteriorate.
Bones jutting out of the thin skin and sunken in heart,
When you threw it back I forgot to catch it as it fell to my feet.
Cough medicine on my lips,
God I just realized I'm the infection.
The victims become the shooter.
The betrayed become the backstabber.
The abused become the users.
The broken become the hammer.
The tripped become the crack.
The hit become the fist.
I became the creature that butterflies flee from,
It's not absurd and you may think I'm insecure.
Well you'd have no idea because I know that it's ashame,
I slaughtered my own love, my friend, my mother, my never born daughters and sons.
Don't tell me none of that was my fault,
I watched a dreamer die in the mirror today and she hated me.
Do you remember when all of this began,
I guess it's not that hard to open up to someone as meek as him.
You struggle to survive because no ones there to hold your hand,
It's just a bit sad that you won't see that part of me in my eyes anymore.
That hopeful and naive dreamer just fell into a pit,
She didn't want to die after being brought back but with a kiss goodbye.

I don't want you to see me die,
Assure you that you won't until the coffin closes.