I'll buy you another

      
the blue of your smile always caught me off guard
you were always a little sad then
it showed in your eyes...the brokenness  
 
it was a woman...it usually is
who had broken your heart
even though you loved me
you couldn't shake her ghost
 
she was the reason you stayed up late at night drinking
instead of coming to bed with me
she was the pain you held back with all your tight laughter
the hitch in your side when you spoke too quickly
and your gruff bark came out almost a sob
 
it hurt my heart I couldn't fill her space
or chase away the spirits who rattled you
when the bottle was empty
 
you were always drunk with me
when sobrieties sun hit...you left
I would ache alone...lonely with my hurt
 
I loved you with a passion it was my fault you lost her
I'd kept you over one night selfishly
when you should have been home with her
I'm not sure you ever forgave me for that
 
I was a conquest
she the light you lived by
 
when she said goodbye
the light in your eyes was snuffed out
dull pools fathomless with pain took its place
and I drown there daily knowing I was to blame
 
yes, the blue in your smile always threw me off
it shouldn't have...after all, I put it there