Think. Overthink. Repeat.

All I ever wanted was someone to be proud of me.  
…no  
All I ever wanted was someone to make me feel proud of myself.  

All I ever wanted was someone to make me feel.  
All I ever wanted was someone that I could feel.  
Feel their sorrow so I could forget mine.  
Feel their joy, that would fill the void where my own should have been.  
Feel their feelings, so I wouldn’t have to be ashamed of my own.  
Believe their beliefs, so I had a reason not to believe mine.  
A reason to feel guilty for being wrong.  
To punish myself for being a wrong being.  
For being.  
 
All I ever wanted was someone that didn’t care,  
So I wouldn’t have to either.  
All I ever wanted was someone that needed me,  
So I could care for them instead.  
All I ever wanted was someone that I would need,  
So I wouldn’t need myself.  
All I ever wanted was someone that I could see,  
Because I couldn’t stand looking at myself.  
All I ever wanted was someone that I could be,  
So I didn’t have to be myself.  
 
I’m scared to be free,  
Because I’m scared to be me.  
I’m only rarely scared to die,  
I’m rather scared to be alive.  
Because how could I ever decide  
On how to live a life,  
If all the time I go and hide  
Instead of learning how to love?  
Imprisoned by the shackles of my mind,  
In the endless cycle of repeating all of the above.