Leaving Crushed

When did I give up?  
Abandon hope so completely that
My humanity a thing of the past?  
Spelling and grammar lost
Completely forsaken  
Cleavage appeals more  
Waking  
Me from self pitying slumber  
Suicidal thoughts temporarily at bay
As I imagine her embrace  
Laced with contempt  
Nonetheless appealing  
More than the morass of  
Darkness that is my soul  
My heart left ages ago  
Leaving empty my pursuits