deepundergroundpoetry.com
Rockhollow Series: Blossom for Bedtime
Title: Blossom for Bedtime
Twenty Two of Thirty
Unique Words: Eighty-Three
#NaPoWriMo19
Ten cherry blossoms hanging in a line,
the wind ripped through and now there are nine.
Nine cherry blossoms on the tree as weight,
a tit bounced a branch and now there are eight.
Eight cherry blossoms are eye-catching in Devon,
a child ran fast and now there are seven.
Seven cherry blossoms dangling from sticks
the rain beat down and now there are six.
Six cherry blossoms, fresh and alive,
a squirrel lept over and now there are five.
Five cherry blossoms, high above the meadow floor,
dog jumped for a ball and now there are four.
Four cherry blossoms clinging to the tree, the gardener brushed by and now there are three.
Three cherry blossoms, quite pink against the blue,
picked some for a vase and now there are two.
Two cherry blossoms cling together in the Sun,
a pigeon planned a nest and now there is one.
One cherry blossom with it's work quite done,
it flutters to the floor and now there are none.
Twenty Two of Thirty
Unique Words: Eighty-Three
#NaPoWriMo19
Ten cherry blossoms hanging in a line,
the wind ripped through and now there are nine.
Nine cherry blossoms on the tree as weight,
a tit bounced a branch and now there are eight.
Eight cherry blossoms are eye-catching in Devon,
a child ran fast and now there are seven.
Seven cherry blossoms dangling from sticks
the rain beat down and now there are six.
Six cherry blossoms, fresh and alive,
a squirrel lept over and now there are five.
Five cherry blossoms, high above the meadow floor,
dog jumped for a ball and now there are four.
Four cherry blossoms clinging to the tree, the gardener brushed by and now there are three.
Three cherry blossoms, quite pink against the blue,
picked some for a vase and now there are two.
Two cherry blossoms cling together in the Sun,
a pigeon planned a nest and now there is one.
One cherry blossom with it's work quite done,
it flutters to the floor and now there are none.
Published 22nd Apr 2019
Author's Note
First night my daughter (2) has fallen asleep without breast milk, this rhyme slowly made up seemed to help.
April 2019
April 2019
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
reading list entries 3
comments 5
reads 660
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
22nd Apr 2019 10:09pm
I read this over on the NaPo comp thread and dashed over to add it to my Reading List. I love it, it's a wonderful nursery rhyme-sounding piece.
One suggestion though if I may:
The 7th couplet, if you could move the second half of the first line to the next line to finish - it will look and read much better. I hope you can see what I mean. I hope you don't mind my bringing it up. : )
blessed and blessings
Kathy
One suggestion though if I may:
The 7th couplet, if you could move the second half of the first line to the next line to finish - it will look and read much better. I hope you can see what I mean. I hope you don't mind my bringing it up. : )
blessed and blessings
Kathy
23rd Apr 2019 1:25am
23rd Apr 2019 3:29am
This is amazing. I enjoyed the numeral part of it and you fit each line perfectly.
These are the lines i adore the most
Four cherry blossoms clinging to the tree, the gardener brushed by and now there are three.
Three cherry blossoms, quite pink against the blue,
picked some for a vase and now there are two.
I will stop by again. Your writing is intriguing
These are the lines i adore the most
Four cherry blossoms clinging to the tree, the gardener brushed by and now there are three.
Three cherry blossoms, quite pink against the blue,
picked some for a vase and now there are two.
I will stop by again. Your writing is intriguing
23rd Apr 2019 3:35am
This reminds me of the classic chinese poem " ripe plums are falling" but this one is longer. Lovely.
What a great children's rhyme - and much more interesting and fun than the boring "10 green bottles"
