Doesn't have to be this way

Overactive mind..
peace is what I can't find,
the thoughts just never seem to go away
I just feel like..
everyday is a repeat
of the day before,
A back to back
repetitious routine
that I can't ignore..
I'm so out of touch..
Reclusive,
Feeling
Useless.
Catch myself concentrating on the cannabis
Do I abuse this?
I would say..
No doubt

So aimless..
 So selfishly shameless
  Self centered
    Short tempered
     spastic and secluded

I've always criticized myself so harshly
So judgemental of myself
So unhappy with myself
Always rejected myself..

I just feel
eternally lost..
So far removed
from society
and social situations,
I just live in my imagination..
Very few real friends
1 or 2 at the most
I feel like a ghost,
Non existent
and so distant
even though life
could be gone in an instant,
I'm still stagnant
and feel like a fragment
of some far out fantasy..
can't I see
this isn't how reality has to be.

Its not always going to be this way
even though day after day
it seems like
the dull monotonous
mirage my mind has melted into
is here to stay..
It doesn't have to be this way
forever..