deepundergroundpoetry.com
What you can't see
Right this minute
I am fighting…
The quicksand mood that sucks me deeper,
pulling harder with every struggle.
The voice that says you’re judging my worth,
and makes you my enemy.
The drink that promises to quiet that voice
but will amplify it tomorrow.
The urge to crawl under a heavy blanket
and hide from all that I love.
The silent battle is raging.
If I seem quiet
or faraway
it’s because
I am -
Lost in a realm inside my head,
A dark kingdom
of dragons and werewolves
and beneath the banter and shielding smile
I am
the weary
lonesome
warrior
Fighting.
I am fighting…
The quicksand mood that sucks me deeper,
pulling harder with every struggle.
The voice that says you’re judging my worth,
and makes you my enemy.
The drink that promises to quiet that voice
but will amplify it tomorrow.
The urge to crawl under a heavy blanket
and hide from all that I love.
The silent battle is raging.
If I seem quiet
or faraway
it’s because
I am -
Lost in a realm inside my head,
A dark kingdom
of dragons and werewolves
and beneath the banter and shielding smile
I am
the weary
lonesome
warrior
Fighting.
Published 24th Feb 2019
Author's Note
one of those days...
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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24th Feb 2019 12:07pm
Some days I feel like this, and just want to be alone with my demons. I have to remind myself that I love those who stay near during these times, that they aren’t the enemy.
Much love poetess.
Much love poetess.
24th Feb 2019 5:54pm
Thank goodness for those people....
And thank you for your kind words. :)
And thank you for your kind words. :)
22nd Mar 2019 12:16pm
I'm no psychotherapist, but from reflecting on this on my better days, here's what I think:
A) the voice is not truth. It is faulty thinking because of some wonky brain chemistry or something. These people are probably not judging me, and even if they are, that's their problem, not mine. We have to let go of things we can't control.
B) the instant jump to "enemy" is because feeling judged makes me feel threatened. Must Defend Self!! Primitive brain is kicking in....
C) the problem is, once I let myself go too far down this path, I don't believe that those who love me EVER have my best interests at heart any more, and that's just endless paranoid lonely misery....
And this is why I fight it, even though it takes a tremendous effort and I don't always prevail. Grab your sword and see that voice for what it is - a lie. If you need backup in your own fight, I'm here.
Thanks for reading & commenting. Fight on!
k
A) the voice is not truth. It is faulty thinking because of some wonky brain chemistry or something. These people are probably not judging me, and even if they are, that's their problem, not mine. We have to let go of things we can't control.
B) the instant jump to "enemy" is because feeling judged makes me feel threatened. Must Defend Self!! Primitive brain is kicking in....
C) the problem is, once I let myself go too far down this path, I don't believe that those who love me EVER have my best interests at heart any more, and that's just endless paranoid lonely misery....
And this is why I fight it, even though it takes a tremendous effort and I don't always prevail. Grab your sword and see that voice for what it is - a lie. If you need backup in your own fight, I'm here.
Thanks for reading & commenting. Fight on!
k
