My Epic Limerick

What else epic can I write about?
I'm full of words; there is no doubt.
I'm posting limericks now on Twitter,
When I should be changing the kitty litter;
Let's see if self-limericks work out.

I'm trying to start anew in my life;
As a writer and common-law wife.
I'm trying to get myself together;
So, when it's time to worry about the weather,
I will not live in strife.

Because I always have my pen and paper,
And my many-a-cigarette vapor;
It's always nice to have coffee and water;
For, I am a silly daughter,
Who on my poetry, won't taper.

I need to spend time off an uncomfortable chair;
For, my mind doesn't, but my butt does care;
I doesn't feel like a mirage;
It needs a massage;
But, I don't want my ass to be bare.

I won't make anyone do that; Ew!
I'd rather do the Dew
To make me feel better;
But, when it's time to wear a sweater,
I don't want to be at Farenheit 32.

I must take a break for Folger's crystals,
So I do not have to use pistols;
I'm in love with coffee;
Not at all, toffee
My man thinks there's a place called Bristols.

Now, I'm drinking caffeine,
So, I don't have to be mean;
I just want to drink it and smoke;
For, addiction is not a joke;
But, it all makes me feel sticky and unclean.

I am so elated
That I don't have to be inebriated;
To myself, amuse;
I don't need the booze;
That is a subject that can't be debated.

Usually, limericks are cheesy,
But, I'll try not to make you feel queasy;
I will make myself sick;
Talking about sucking dick;
For, I just want to write and take it easy.

So, how do you like it so far?
Though, I cannot drive a car,
I can do much with my brain;
Because I am insane;
Hardy-har-har-har-har!